chance

Today is just as rainy as yesterday, if not more so, but for whatever reason my mood is up uP UP. Probably because I LOVE THE RAIN??? Might that have something to do with my sunny disposition? Cloudy days are sunny days for this girl. For this chick. For this strong, capable, powerful woman. Did I wax philosophical on the subject of power a few days ago? I might have. Might, probably, maybe, sorta, forever and ever: Meghan's words of choice. Whatever. I ain't tryin' to be no Hemingway here. Thank god. Hemingway can rot in hell. Okay, so I like his Nick Adams stories a bunch. And I would probably (probably! there's that word again!) wear the hell out of cable-knit sweaters, but bull fighting and four marriages plus endless mistresses? Psssh. So no, I'm not trying to write to win any awards. Just your undying love and devotion. Oh, and to also release whatever's been buildin' up in that old brain of mine.

Here's what's been building up: I want to take chances. I want to be stupid and follow my intuition, which turns out to be not stupid in the slightest. In fact, it's the wisest. I want to roam around and find my tribe. I want to reconnect with my body and remove any negative programming that has made me believe "powerful" and "strong" are naughty words. They are not. They are what I strive to be (or strive to realize that I already am). I strive. I want to grasp onto the energy that comes from striving, from longing, and use it rather than extinguish it. I do not want to fear energy or inspiration or that spark which drives me to create. I should celebrate these desires. I should celebrate the messiness inside that's eager to come out. I want to take chances.

I also want to work for Greenpeace maybe? Or, like, the REI in Seattle, which is hella huge and has a small forest, waterfalls, and a special bike path. THIS IS A STORE WITH A FREAKIN' FOREST. Plus, Seattle's minimum wage is $15, which probably wouldn't matter cuz Seattle is $$$. I don't even want to live in Seattle, so I don't know why I keep writing about it. Unless Seattle has an inclusive off-the-grid yurt community with a cat sanctuary??? If so, I'll pack my bags now.

Things are good. My last post may have been a tad on the melancholy side, which is fine. Recovery isn't a walk in the REI forest. It's not supposed to be. But it is supposed to be continued. And I will continue to continue. I will keep getting up and eating and reminding myself of all the chances I can take now that I am becoming stronger, calmer, more connected.

xoxo