bud

Sloooow moving today. I'll allow it because it's Sunday. Sunday and sunny and Lord/Buddha/Santa Jesus knows I'll be spending most of today outside just like I did yesterday. The groovy weather was, yes, overwhelming. But what isn't overwhelming to me, you know? I felt like I had been trapped in a cave for roughly 47 years and had finally emerged into the open. I couldn't drink in the light fast enough. I think all of the vitamin D acted as a naturally energy drink/line of cocaine because I was up until 2:30 in the morning. Maaaybe that's why I'm slow moving today. Pieces of the puzzle are coming together. I've never been particularly good at jigsaw puzzles. Jigs? I'm a pro. Sawing shit? You bet. Puzzles? Not so much.

Lately I have been noticeably all-over-the-place mentally. I have been having a difficult time focusing on one book, on one project, on one line of thought. I keep jumping from one thing to the next at almost record speed. So I will make it my goal today to think about my goals while I wander the neighborhoods and parks in yet another emerging-from-the-cave day. I will stop distracting myself from considering my long-term goals -- I don't know why I distract myself from that in the first place. Could it be that when I am desirous of something so much I psych myself out? The doubt begins to creep in, the path ahead seems too daunting, the fear of failure looms large. So I procrastinate. I try to suffocate my passionate urges. In short, I don't even give myself a chance to begin. Nip those dreams in the bud, Meg! Except don't do that. Do the opposite of that. Let those dreams, whatever you choose them to be, blossom.

I will also go grocery shopping today! That will be a welcome relief from the hours of serious self-reflection. Then again, grocery shopping is such a drag for me. I feel like it wouldn't be such a bummer if I had Oprah's bank account or if I lived in a super hip progressive community and went "grocery shopping" at the local co-op and farmer's market. Farmer's or farmers'? See, this is a thing I could google, but I'd rather spend my time googling diseases I may have. NOT. I say "not," yet I still do it. Often. It is such a masochistic act. Nothing will cause you more immediate despair than checking out symptoms on WebMD. Do. Not. Indulge.

Pictures! Then shower then grocery store then overdose on vitamin D (not really! bad idea! don't worry! i! wear! sun! screen!) then think about what I really want outta life then briefly distract myself by tweeting and texting and reading about ancient goddess rituals then chew ice cubes on the deck then do whatever the hell I want because I'm 31 and unemployed and devastatingly adorable. You are adorable as well. So adorable. Too adorable for words. But not too adorable for pictures!!!