Monday, August 19, 2013

fumes and phones

I am being suffocated by paint fumes as we speak. Oh yeah, we aren't speaking. I am typing. Let me begin again.

I am being suffocated by paint fumes as I type. Oh yeah, I'm not even typing. I am CREATING. I am creating poetry and breathing life into that poetry so that it may live and give and touch the souls of many! Psych. I am still just typing. Typing like a woman who is being driven mad by the smell of paint fumes.

Here's my blog: One entry is obnoxiously nonsensical, the next is obnoxiously abstract. Sometimes you will get ho-hum I'm-so-depressed entries as well. On the rare occasion that I post a picture, it will most like be whatever comes up from the Google search "mormon cats wearing pioneer hats." There. Now you never have to read another post by me ever again. LUCKY BASTARDS. And bitches. Lucky bitches. Today I told my phone that it was being "a little bitch," which is unfair to my phone because it is I that has filled up my phone with useless apps and even more useless selfies. My phone's just, like, "What did I do?" And I'm, like, "I wish I could answer that, but I am currently being suffocated." "By me?" "Yes, by you, but also by paint fumes and the city life." "Bummer." "More like BONER." "What do you mean by 'boner'?" "I don't know. Why don't you ask Siri?" "Don't bring up Siri. Not now." "Why shouldn't I bring up Siri? Don't tell me who I should or should not bring up. Siri is a bitch!" "NO!" "Oh god it feels good to finally say that. Sweet lord! Siri is a bitch!" "That's it. I'm staying in a hotel tonight." "Go right ahead! Why don't you make it a week?" "Fine! Fine, I will. You'll miss me when I'm gone! You won't even be able to load the dishwasher without me around." "I'll use paper plates!" "Fine!" "Fine!"

So my phone has been a little bit of a pain lately.

UUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH why did my neighbors have to paint every inch of their apartment today? I'd like to paint every inch of their FACE.

So here's the thing about this post: I shouldn't reread it. I also shouldn't post it, but there's a 100% chance that I will. I like taking chances. I like taking those chances and then suffocating them with pillows.

My brain has gone mush mush. Mwah mwah!

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