ON MY MIND
"On my mind"? What, exactly, does that mean? Is something literally placed on top of my mind? Don't even ask me where I believe my mind is located. Fine, ask. Here's my answer: I have no clue. It could be a tiny pilot behind my eyes. It could be a speck of nothing inside of my left toe. It could be hidden in a box labeled "mind" buried somewhere in a vacant field. I just googled "vacant field" and apparently it is a band. I bet they suck. Kidding, who knows. But seriously, so many bands suck. You know what else sucks? Waking up with food poisoning! Okay, it might not be food poisoning, but it's close.
Teach! I'm going to finally go through with it. I swear. I am going to work towards getting certified and then if I end up teaching, I end up teaching. If not, I will at least have something to fall back on. I can't not teach - it has been on my mind consistently for almost a decade. Oh dear lord. I started college an entire decade ago. Oh my god god god. I am having a mini-meltdown right now. I am so so so old. What the hell have I been doing with my life these past ten years? Oh, that's right - just blossoming. Kidding, kidding. But not kidding. I am a late bloomer. I believe I went through all of my high school phases while in college. Now that I'm nearing 30, I am ready to enter my 20s! Here's to responsibility and careers and retirement plans and paid vacations and khaki pants from Eddie Bauer!
Earlier I spelled "pilot" about seven different ways until I remembered how to spell it correctly. Piolet. Piolit. Pilit. And so forth. Super sad, really. Feel superior! I am sometimes an idiot.
If you are beautiful, you terrify me.
I watched a Russian film last night called Shadows in Paradise. It was so good! It reminded me of every relationship I have ever had! Go watch it!
Speaking of relationships... Nah. Never mind. Don't wanna go there right now. I am so confused! All the time! Entering my 20s! Time for experimentation! (This coffee has turned against me suddenly. Who decides coffee and nausea go together? An idiot, that's who! But an idiot who has a good heart and means well and is just trying her best and started college a decade ago. That kind of an idiot.)
Maybe I should try to eat something. And sit outside. And read. And take a Valium. Thanks for being so beautiful and terrifying!
3 comments:
I'm pretty sure I terrified you the other day because I am the most beautiful creature. No one can withstand my beauty that's why they all wilt around me, or maybe that's the smell.
I often go through the "OH MY GOD WHY WHY WHY" when I think about schooling, mainly due to that fact that I'm finally going to graduate regular college a full 11 years and 3 months since I started. I'm wanting to do grad school is it going to take me that long too? Though technically you can take out 3 years and 3 months out of that for when I wasn't in school, but 8 years for 4 year schooling. Huzzah! Of course there was a lot of failing and changing majors. But then the worst comes when I look at people I know who graduated and are married and have kids and are still like always 2-3 years younger then me and I'm like, How did they do it?
But then after all that I just gotta sit back, catch my breath and remember that I needed to fail to be as awesome as I am now. So here's a fun thing to do, you think about how awesome you are and then you look back at your life in the past couple years and you say "Okay let's pretend that thing never happened, would I still be this awesome?" So then you're like, "Okay sure, maybe I'd be 22 with a job and such but I would be a lot more lame. And who wants to be lame? Not me. Boo to that." I've become awesome because I went through lots of weird things in my life and so have you! Embrace it!
the longer i teach the more i like it, even though i really just want to be famous. a little rich, but mostly famous.
i just realized that you and bryan are both turning 28 this year, which is funny, because he's kind of entering his 20s in the same way too.
Thirdmango, I know what you mean when you say the weird things we've been through have made us a lot less lame. It's true! Often I think, "I'm glad I didn't graduate within 4 years because I had no idea who I was or what I wanted back then. Some people do, but not me. I would have been super lost." But I hope I'm always lost in a sense, if that makes sense. Senses: We've got five of them. Sometimes six. Never seven. Maybe seven? Who knows.
Cassie, maybe we can both try to be famous together? I say we start a reality show. It will just be you and I in a room watching reruns of "Degrassi" in sweatpants while eating bowl after bowl of cereal. Who WOULDN'T tune in? Oh yeah, everyone.
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