I have started rereading (or maybe reading for the first time?) my blog, starting from the beginning. October of 2008. Meg: Same Girl, Same Problems, Same Long-Windedness, After All These Years: Now a Major Motion Picture.
What if my blog actually became a major motion picture? And after being manhandled and going through various revisions, it ended up as a buddy cop flick starring Adam Sandler and a Wayans brother? Or maybe a space western with an erotic twist at the end? What if all of this actually happens? You know what, it just might. Stranger things have been known to happen (such as frogs falling from the sky in Serbia in 2005 - LOOK IT UP!!!).
Here's something strange: Things are really really really quite good right now in my life. How and why and when and do I deserve this and can I fully enjoy it or should I be guarded a bit more and step back a little and be ever so cautious? I don't know. I don't want to be. I don't want to put up those infamous Meghan Walls (gonna trademark them). I don't want to have to have control, to have to have order and routine, to have to have keep saying "to have to have" (because it's starting to confuse me). I want to let go. I want to let all of it in. I want to get rid of the Meghan Walls®. "Tear down this wall, Mr. Gorbachev!" And of course by "Mr. Gorbachev" I mean "Ms. Wiemer."
Meghan, you are a lovely person. I wish you could see that more. I wish you would trust yourself. You were born with a wisdom that just needs to find its way back home. Allow this wisdom to penetrate and soak into your skin. Return to your bones.
And I love you.