Friday, August 19, 2016


Do you enjoy sitting down? Well, I have just the thing for you! It is called a chair and you can often find this object in many public and private spaces, both inside and outside. Some come with cushions, others come with arm rests, and there are even a few out there with built-in toilet chambers. And if you aren't sure if you enjoy sitting down, I can assure you that you do. You just have to try it once and you'll be sold. Chairs: In existence since at least the Early Dynastic Period of Egypt.

Hi! Good afternoon, happy Friday, and a very happy World Orangutan Day. I won't list what other holidays are today because there are too many and each one of them is pointless (except for Orangutan Day because maybe it raises money for wildlife conservation or whatever) and all of these meaningless holidays are just distracting us from something super scary. What is that super scary thing? I have no idea because I am too busy choosing the perfect filter for my perfect Instagram photo of a perfect s'more I made in celebration of National S'mores Day (which was August 10, but can also be every day if you want). I apologize, where was I? Oh yes. Hi!

Hello. I am in a much better spot today. That's a relief. It's also a bit of a bummer because if the pattern continues, tomorrow I will be back to being crummy. Every other day I am "in a better spot." Okay, life doesn't follow predictable patterns. Except sometimes it totally does. Look, I'm no scientist. Except sometimes I totally am. What I want to say is that I am attempting this whole "be aware of how you treat others, including yourself, and then adjust accordingly" thing. So far it's going alright! I mean, it's disheartening to realize just how often I react to others rather than respond, but self-examination was never meant to be easy. Worth it? I sure as hell hope so.

Other things I hope:
*I hope to have perfect vision one day. Someone shoot some lasers in my eyes already!
*I hope to visit Costa Rica and volunteer at a monkey orphanage and also learn how to swim and surf while I'm there and somehow become a world famous surfer with tons of endorsements that will essentially buy me my own monkey orphanage.
*I hope to get to a point in my life where I have enough money to go to the grocery store and not even worry about the cost of Cracklin' Oat Bran. Not that I desire to be a wealthy a$$ bitch, but not having to worry about every bitch a$$ penny would be rad.
*I hope I can start trusting myself again. Or maybe it's for the first time. Have I trusted myself for an extended period of time in the past? I sincerely do not know.

I DO know, however, that peacock feathers freak me out, apples should never be waxy, and all of the songs from the '90s will make me cry.

As I end this post, I challenge you to two things: One, trust yourself. Way more than you already do. Two, buy the dopest ass chair you can find and sit your adorable ass down and chill the eff out. It will feel amazing -- trust me.

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