sufficient

My fingers are sticking to the keyboard due to the perfect peach I made love to about an hour ago. Correction: I did not make love to it. Yet. The peach still needs to at least buy me dinner first.

Sometimes I wonder if I am a "better" writer when I am sufficiently nourished or when I am empty and amped up on stimulants. I probably think it's the latter, but all signs point to it being the former. But who knows. Maybe the amount of food (or lack thereof) in my system isn't the biggest factor in my aptitude as a writer. I do know, however, that food makes me a nicer human. And right now that's all I really desire.

That isn't true. I desire more than just being a decent human being. I desire, yes, figs. And donuts. I have never cared too much for the donut, yet for the past month or three I have been craving donuts. So why don't I just go out there and buy a donut? Many establishments sell donuts to the general public. I do not have to go to Jerusalem to purchase a donut. The answer is... I don't know. It's too spontaneous? Maybe I like the idea and dream of a donut more than the actual acquiring and consuming of said donut? My answers have become questions.

I desire a home in an open landscape where I have two roofs, one of which has surreal sunsets that feel like a personal gift to my soul. I desire a family in the distant future, a family made up of people or animals or who knows maybe both, all of whom I fiercely love and protect. I desire a way to make my nails grow strong -- and to just grow period. They have stopped growing and, as it turns out, fingernails are crucial when trying to open soda cans. Maybe quitting soda is a good first step on the path to perfect nails. Well, the first step should be eating food and then quitting soda. The order of things is so important.

I feel deficient in everything.

Do I sound melancholy in this post? I don't feel melancholy today. I feel centered and sorta focused and far less troubled by digestive woes. I am okay! I really am! I mean, TGIF, right?! My sweet mama is out of town, which means I have the condo alllll to myself. Friday night, house to myself... YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!!! It means I get to stay up watching nature documentaries alone with the volume turned up slightly louder than usual!!! I am legit excited. I desire this kind of Friday night.

I see the clouds moving around out there, out there in my not second, but first home. I should probably attend to those clouds right now. They need me, but not nearly as much as I need them.