pinochle and soup

I am trying out this new thing where I just eat whatever whenever without thinking about it too much. I mean, I still way overthink it, but I try to eat whatever I am craving and then be done with it. Not sit there and panic. Not immediately try to "get rid" of whatever I consumed. I am trying to occupy my thoughts with other, non-food related things, such as art projects I want to do, hairstyles I want to have, places I want to visit. Oh, and I am also trying to branch out and, you know, HELP SOCIETY. I spend far too much time concerned about me me me and it has to stop. So sign me up at the soup kitchen! Give me a shovel and some seeds and I'll start planting trees! Does your grandmother in the nursing home need someone to come by and visit? I will gladly play pinochle with her. And no, it's not spelled "peeknuckle." My point is, I am trying. Ugh, I am trying so hard. Do I try to not try so hard? Or is the metaphorical blood, sweat, and tears appropriate? I guess the sweat and tears are not metaphorical. I sweat in the morning when I am on my walk outside because I overdress and then forget that the sun is warm. And tears? Psssh. I wear my damn heart on my sleeve, people. My literal heart on my metaphorical sleeve.

Let's see, what else is new with me these days? Well, there's one thing that is kinda new, but it's a secret. I have a lot of secrets, yet I will tell you almost anything if you just ask. Ask away! Go away! Come back! Stay awhile. But don't get too comfortable. "Not getting too comfortable" might also be a new thing I'm trying out these days. It is too easy to fall into the trap of routine. A lot of routines are A-OK and probably good for us psychologically, but there are other routines that are mind numbing and creativity killers. No more numbing, no more killing, no more trying to soothe myself 24/7. Maybe I can soothe and delude myself 23/7, but give me that hour of discomfort and SHEER TERROR so that I can be awake for at least a part of my life.

Awake! I am starting to wake up. I think it's high time I had some breakfast. I am not going to think too much about breakfast, though! I am simply going to eat it and enjoy it and think about how many people and events went into the production of my breakfast (and give thanks!) and then brush my teeth and brush up on my pinochle/peeknuckle skills. Your grandma is waiting for me! Life is waiting for me. It's about time I went after it.