bounce

My favorite favorite favorite day of the week. If I was slightly less clever (or more clever?), I would say, "Sunday? More like FUNday!" But it's not that I find Sunday particularly fun. I find it holy in my own little ways. It is quiet, it is contemplative, it is a relief. And I guess those three things can be fun, right? They aren't inflatable bounce house fun, but what really is?

I sounded so hopeless in my last post. And I was. I still have these crashing waves of hopelessness that knock me out more often than not. I struggle to make it through a single day -- I create pointless rituals and goals to propel me throughout the day. I don't know why I am so astronomically hard on myself. Does this neurotic behavior simply come with being human? But we all know I am more cat than human. So what's the deal?

I believe a part of the "problem" is that I am more or less directionless. Having a purpose is so important for my emotional well-being. I am not sure where to begin to find that purpose. I think I have it on occasion, but then it fades away quickly and I am left, yet again, wandering.

Self-reflection. I realize this is a good place to start. I feel as though all I do is self-reflect. Sometimes I think I think too much. Sometimes I think taking a break from thinking would be the best thing I could do. I also think getting rid of the "I" would be advantageous. I I I. I start one too many sentences with "I." I did it again! I can't help it! It is really challenging to not talk of oneself on a personal blog. I don't know. I know. I am not sure if I don't know or if I know.

I will begin small. I will begin by cutting myself some slack. That actually isn't "small." That is a huge leap forward. Once I quit beating myself up for the most minuscule offenses, perhaps I can start seeing everything more clearly and with more hope in my heart. Let's hope so.

Treat yourself with love right now as well. We won't get anywhere good if we aren't good to the person we are with 24/7.