Wednesday, May 13, 2015


Currently struggling with:

*Reading one book at a time
*Finishing a book
*Saving the planet
*Responding to various messages, including smoke signals

Currently not struggling with:

*Watching Fraggle Rock
*Running away

Hi! I am back from the land of the stomach flu. Or food poisoning. Or some such ailment that had me puking and whining and sleeping and eventually eating a box of popsicles all day/night. I feel 93% better this morning, thank the buddha. Thank him! Thank Buddha, but expect him to not say "You are welcome." Expect him to say nothing. He'll just serenely smile and lightly touch the ground or something. Ugh, come on, Gautama. Because there is still 7% of me that is wooey wooey, I decided to stay home from work today. HEY, WHY NOT?! There are episodes of Fraggle Rock which need to be watched and they certainly can't be watched if I am on the clock.

Okay, so here are a few more things WITH WHICH I am struggling... I am having a difficult time being off of Adderall. Well, I am not having a difficult time -- like, my life really has improved since stopping. It has! I am physically healthier, my fingers have stopped aching, I have a better relationship with food, I am not a complete asshole to people (just about 7% of an asshole), I am more creative, etc. So why am I having a difficult time? For starters, it's an addiction. My brain craves it. Second, I struggle with motivation and, yes, focus. I feel like an idiot off of it, but I know that's "normal" to feel that way. And I know it's not entirely true. It has been over a month since I've been off of it and I still feel like I am recovering. I will continue to not take Adderall, but I need to find something healthy to replace it. Buddha? Yeah, actually. That might do the trick. BUDDHA IS A TRICK. A serene, earth-touching trick.

I am beginning to read Walden. I feel like I've already read it since it is so heavily quoted. Like, I've probably read the entire book on various coffee mugs, tote bags, and motivational posters. Thoreau had his faults, duh, but so does everyone. The core of his philosophy is one I can jive with. Jive with? With which I can jive. Jive? Jive. Yeah, jive. I really should have read Walden in my 20s, but I was too busy reading the Beats and pretending like I was a female Kerouac. Oh, sweetie Meg. Sigh.

Okay, time for breakfast. Maybe. Can my stomach handle a regular breakfast? It may be a breakfast of popsicles, pudding, and Pepto. Hey, at least I'm eating.

Now do yourself a favor and watch the first episode of Fraggle Rock. I dare you to not be 93% blown away by how deep and philosophical it is. It is so deep, you guys. And girls. And guy-girls. <3 <3 <3

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