learn

I want to go back to grade school. I want to go back so I can learn the following:

*A language, preferably French or Swedish or NAVAJO.
*An instrument, preferably something NOT NERDY.
*Directions. I really think I either missed the day when we learned how to read a map or else my elementary school just sucked.
*How to floss properly. I believe I now know how to do this, but it sure took me decades to figure it out.

I want to go back to junior high (NOT) so I can do the following:

*Not have my first kiss by the lockers with everyone around chanting, "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"
*Eat way more junk food. Enjoy it while you can, Meggie.
*Skip class a few times and smoke a cig under the bleachers. You have a get out of jail free card for virtually anything in junior high. Might as well use it.
*Make better friends -- and keep them.

I want to go back to high school (pssssh, no way) so I can, like, be more involved. You know, join clubs and run for office and just be really obnoxiously involved ONLY so I can get into a cool college and have scholarships and have a much brighter, more lucrative future. I also wish I had been PROM QUEEN only so I could give a speech exactly like Cady Heron's in Mean Girls.

I live in the past. I know I know I know. But I might live in the future more? I keep creating these grand schemes and plans for my life, but the missing piece is that I never quite follow through with anything. I either let self-doubt stop me or I rapidly grow bored and move on to the next person/place/thing. Bad habits, all of them. I'm not going to lecture you/me on staying in the present moment because, like, we get it. Time for me to walk my walk, though.

Speaking of walks, should I take a quick walk in the damn rain while I can? Damn rain. I love the damn rain. And I love my damn walks. I may make grandiose plans for my life, but when it comes down to it all I really want is the space and time to take my damn walks in peace. They mean so much to me.

I still need to know where the North Star is in the sky. I'll keep searching and eventually find it. There are just some things you have to learn on your own.