Yesterday I tweeted (yes, that word can now be said with a serious face and no worry of confusion) that I am a bad friend. I was not fishin' 'round (apostrophes!) for any responses such as, "Oh no! You are a WOOONDERFUL friend!", which is good because I didn't get any kind of a response. Don't get me wrong - I am not really worried about getting no response/reassurance, but it has made me think a little bit... Am I a bad friend?
Let's just say that I am a forgetful friend at times. Send me a message/email, I will most likely not remember to respond for at least a few days. Shoot me a fax/text after I have eaten a delicious brownie, I will definitely have no memory of said fax/text. Catch me on one of my "Lord-the-world-is-terrifying" days and I will find any excuse to stay holed up in my cocoon room/womb. And I sincerely apologize for all of this behavior. I fear I don't show it as often as I should, but you lovely people are very dear to me. I am serious. Even if I don't know you incredibly well, I am still fascinated by you. I have probably Facebook stalked you. I have probably sat and observed you at one time or another, completely enamoured. You probably aren't even aware of the kind of influence you have had on my life.
So what do I do? I suppose the first step is to now befriend myself. I need to remind myself that it is okay to be a hermit every now and again. It is okay to take time for myself. It is okay to put myself first. I have long neglected my own needs, which in turn causes me to neglect the needs of others. There is a direct link between my satisfaction and being able to satisfy others. I believe my relationships will vastly improve once I improve the relationship I have with myself.
And I love you.