Thursday, February 9, 2012
lopsided
I drank enough coffee tonight to write - or at least that was the plan. I should just stop making plans because I never seem to follow through with them. Instead of writing, I stuffed my face with food and stuffed my brain with the tangled web that is the, uh, Web. I am so off-balance lately. I'm gonna do what I do best and blame, yes, caffeine for my currently lopsided life. Even though I bought energy drinks tonight specifically for tomorrow, I think I might try my damndest to not drink any caffeine whatsoever tomorrow. Maybe I will meditate tomorrow night in addition to my morning practice? Okay, and I should probably stop trying to constantly "fix" myself. I ain't so bad how I am right now... Except I DO look like this:
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
spike shooter (but i hardly know her) (sorry)
Daaaaammmmmmit.
I want to write so much! I have to go to work! NO! White girl problems yes yes yes, I know.
Stay tuned, though. I plan to blog from the bathroom while ON THE CLOCK. (Just kidding, if you are my boss and you are reading this.) (Not just kidding, if you are anyone else.) (Which one is it? Am I kidding or not kidding?)
Okay, good morning and good luck and eat a banana today. Or at least call someone on your Banana Phone. Let's open the lines of communication, shall we?
I want to write so much! I have to go to work! NO! White girl problems yes yes yes, I know.
Stay tuned, though. I plan to blog from the bathroom while ON THE CLOCK. (Just kidding, if you are my boss and you are reading this.) (Not just kidding, if you are anyone else.) (Which one is it? Am I kidding or not kidding?)
Okay, good morning and good luck and eat a banana today. Or at least call someone on your Banana Phone. Let's open the lines of communication, shall we?
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
v day, but not that v day (not the vagina day)
In one week it will be Valentine's Day. If I was cool enough to have a valentine, I would send them this card:
nitrous technology and dickwads and self-love
Good morning, dears.
I am taking time to respond to any of the comments that you may have left on my blog. I really do love any and all comments that I receive - I'm just terrible at responding to them. Well, NOT ANYMORE!
Dudes, I have bad habits. I'm trying to break them or change them (or maybe I should just accept them?) and for the most part I am doing well. One bad habit that hasn't changed much: My caffeine consumption. I know I am about 10,347 times less anxious without it and that it does nothing but turn me into an a$$wipe, but there's that quick boost of confidence and speediness that is so damn attractive to me. I should stop and say that this is in no way a habit but in every way an addiction. Okay, now let me go on and talk about caffeine some more. Just kidding. This topic is EXHAUSTED. But I'm not! Nope. Not after downing an extra strength energy drink that uses "nitrous technology." Really? Sold. (Tomorrow: Not giving up caffeine, but I'll consider it. The day after tomorrow: Yes, caffeine is GONE. The day after the day after tomorrow: Eh, one little can of Spike won't do me any harm. The day after the day after the day after tomorrow: Spike hangover. Dammit.)
I woke up early this morning so I could caffeinate myself, write, and listen to Native American flute music before work. I cherish time with myself. Despite the moments I have with feelings of self-dislike (not hatred, just dislike), for the most part I think I am the shit. I really can be my own BFF, you know? It's a wise thing to do (making friends with yourself) because we are kinda sorta stuck with ourselves so we kinda sorta should totally make the best of it.
THIS NITROUS TECHNOLOGY IS MAKING ME ROCK BACK AND FORTH.
Right now I'm thinking about all of the shitty things boys have said to me. Why am I thinking these things? It's okay to think about them - can't ignore them, but won't dwell on them. Hey, boys: Most of you bored me anyway.
Last night I freaked myself out because I kind of freaked out. I was backing out in the the parking lot at the gym and two cars were being kinda dicks and not giving me enough space. I calmly manuvered around the dickwads, but then as I was driving away I LAID ON MY HORN and sped away. Ha! What? That is really unlike me and I felt momentarily INSANE. So, yeah, don't be a dick to me in a parking lot? I don't know. I'm a wimp. But such a cool ass wimp that's ready for some...
...BREAKFAST!!!!!!!! Some nitrous oxide breakfast.
I am taking time to respond to any of the comments that you may have left on my blog. I really do love any and all comments that I receive - I'm just terrible at responding to them. Well, NOT ANYMORE!
Dudes, I have bad habits. I'm trying to break them or change them (or maybe I should just accept them?) and for the most part I am doing well. One bad habit that hasn't changed much: My caffeine consumption. I know I am about 10,347 times less anxious without it and that it does nothing but turn me into an a$$wipe, but there's that quick boost of confidence and speediness that is so damn attractive to me. I should stop and say that this is in no way a habit but in every way an addiction. Okay, now let me go on and talk about caffeine some more. Just kidding. This topic is EXHAUSTED. But I'm not! Nope. Not after downing an extra strength energy drink that uses "nitrous technology." Really? Sold. (Tomorrow: Not giving up caffeine, but I'll consider it. The day after tomorrow: Yes, caffeine is GONE. The day after the day after tomorrow: Eh, one little can of Spike won't do me any harm. The day after the day after the day after tomorrow: Spike hangover. Dammit.)
I woke up early this morning so I could caffeinate myself, write, and listen to Native American flute music before work. I cherish time with myself. Despite the moments I have with feelings of self-dislike (not hatred, just dislike), for the most part I think I am the shit. I really can be my own BFF, you know? It's a wise thing to do (making friends with yourself) because we are kinda sorta stuck with ourselves so we kinda sorta should totally make the best of it.
THIS NITROUS TECHNOLOGY IS MAKING ME ROCK BACK AND FORTH.
Right now I'm thinking about all of the shitty things boys have said to me. Why am I thinking these things? It's okay to think about them - can't ignore them, but won't dwell on them. Hey, boys: Most of you bored me anyway.
Last night I freaked myself out because I kind of freaked out. I was backing out in the the parking lot at the gym and two cars were being kinda dicks and not giving me enough space. I calmly manuvered around the dickwads, but then as I was driving away I LAID ON MY HORN and sped away. Ha! What? That is really unlike me and I felt momentarily INSANE. So, yeah, don't be a dick to me in a parking lot? I don't know. I'm a wimp. But such a cool ass wimp that's ready for some...
...BREAKFAST!!!!!!!! Some nitrous oxide breakfast.
Monday, February 6, 2012
buddha bra beer
Hey, sweethearts. I am in love with all of you.
Why do I feel almost euphoric right now? I have felt this way the past few days, actually. There are moments, however, that I get pretty blue and/or self-conscious, but it doesn't usually last too long and then I go back to being super hippie buddha love love love Meg. Is this attitude annoying? Nah. I mean, it probably is to some people, but it's probably because those people are just going through a tough time and what they don't like in others is either what they don't like in themselves or it is something they wish they had in themselves... And they DO have it in themselves; we contain the universe.
Speaking of universe, you know what word sounds an awful lot like "universe"? University. And speaking of universities, I was at one this afternoon. The Utah Valley one, to be specific. What a trip, man/dude/lady/child of buddha. I haven't been on campus for quite some time - it feels like a different place and blah blah blah and people are scary yada yada yada. Why was I there? I met up with a friend (who teaches Ethics & Values at UVU) to discuss Buddhism. It was a wonderful conversation and showed me how very little I know about Buddhism. Whoops? Or perhaps hooray? It means I still have a beginner's mind and that I will always have something to do - I should never be bored because I could always always always learn more (or unlearn?) about Buddhism and religion in general and General Conference and kidding I don't want to learn too much about GC even though, you know, whatever.
We all have short attention spans. So instead of blabbing on and on in tangential sentences, I will just say quickly what I want to say. Lists! We all know how much I love the list.
*I emailed Susan Piver today about volunteering at a Shambhala Center this summer and she very promptly emailed me back with such exciting news - more details to come later, but basically it made me weep. WEEP.
*I'm digging not wearing any makeup or bras lately. Sorry, boys/mom! I don't really care to look like the standard "pretty" anymore. I just want to let go of that pressure and start spending my time and energy on what I consider to be far more important (i.e. Buddhism, reading, veganism, writing, making zines, relationships). So... yeah. That's all.
*Scott Carrier saw me today and said hello. He was really friendly and we talked for a few minutes. He said I look like a professor. Guess professors don't like makeup or bras, either! Of course, I was awkward and thought of all of the things I should have/should not have said to Scott immediately after we parted ways, but that's just the normal human thing to do - overanalyze every interaction you have and every situation you are in. I caught myself doing this and decided to just let it go and to "give myself a break."
*I could have been upset that I had to park at least 20 minutes away from the school, but I wasn't. I was actually really happy about it because it is a damn nice day outside. I got to spend time outside walking (the outdoors and walks - two of my most favorite things). Simple as that.
*Last night was a lot of fun. I spent it up in Salt Lake at Bryan & Cassie's place with a few great friends (Bryan, Cassie, Joey, Justin, Ned in spirit). We watched a little bit of the PUPPY BOWL, Snuff Box (so fucking funny), and then Akira (which blew my MIND). Cassie made very delicious mac 'n' cheese and brownies, which we all ate, and then we all washed it down with too many Sessions and PBRs. I loved it. I loved how casual it was and how comfortable I felt with them. Cheers, you weirdos.
*So much more to write. But I'm gonna eat lunch now. I'm always ending my posts talking about how I'm going to go eat, aren't I? Good for me.
Photo of me sans makeup and bra (also wearing my "professor" sweater):
Why do I feel almost euphoric right now? I have felt this way the past few days, actually. There are moments, however, that I get pretty blue and/or self-conscious, but it doesn't usually last too long and then I go back to being super hippie buddha love love love Meg. Is this attitude annoying? Nah. I mean, it probably is to some people, but it's probably because those people are just going through a tough time and what they don't like in others is either what they don't like in themselves or it is something they wish they had in themselves... And they DO have it in themselves; we contain the universe.
Speaking of universe, you know what word sounds an awful lot like "universe"? University. And speaking of universities, I was at one this afternoon. The Utah Valley one, to be specific. What a trip, man/dude/lady/child of buddha. I haven't been on campus for quite some time - it feels like a different place and blah blah blah and people are scary yada yada yada. Why was I there? I met up with a friend (who teaches Ethics & Values at UVU) to discuss Buddhism. It was a wonderful conversation and showed me how very little I know about Buddhism. Whoops? Or perhaps hooray? It means I still have a beginner's mind and that I will always have something to do - I should never be bored because I could always always always learn more (or unlearn?) about Buddhism and religion in general and General Conference and kidding I don't want to learn too much about GC even though, you know, whatever.
We all have short attention spans. So instead of blabbing on and on in tangential sentences, I will just say quickly what I want to say. Lists! We all know how much I love the list.
*I emailed Susan Piver today about volunteering at a Shambhala Center this summer and she very promptly emailed me back with such exciting news - more details to come later, but basically it made me weep. WEEP.
*I'm digging not wearing any makeup or bras lately. Sorry, boys/mom! I don't really care to look like the standard "pretty" anymore. I just want to let go of that pressure and start spending my time and energy on what I consider to be far more important (i.e. Buddhism, reading, veganism, writing, making zines, relationships). So... yeah. That's all.
*Scott Carrier saw me today and said hello. He was really friendly and we talked for a few minutes. He said I look like a professor. Guess professors don't like makeup or bras, either! Of course, I was awkward and thought of all of the things I should have/should not have said to Scott immediately after we parted ways, but that's just the normal human thing to do - overanalyze every interaction you have and every situation you are in. I caught myself doing this and decided to just let it go and to "give myself a break."
*I could have been upset that I had to park at least 20 minutes away from the school, but I wasn't. I was actually really happy about it because it is a damn nice day outside. I got to spend time outside walking (the outdoors and walks - two of my most favorite things). Simple as that.
*Last night was a lot of fun. I spent it up in Salt Lake at Bryan & Cassie's place with a few great friends (Bryan, Cassie, Joey, Justin, Ned in spirit). We watched a little bit of the PUPPY BOWL, Snuff Box (so fucking funny), and then Akira (which blew my MIND). Cassie made very delicious mac 'n' cheese and brownies, which we all ate, and then we all washed it down with too many Sessions and PBRs. I loved it. I loved how casual it was and how comfortable I felt with them. Cheers, you weirdos.
*So much more to write. But I'm gonna eat lunch now. I'm always ending my posts talking about how I'm going to go eat, aren't I? Good for me.
Photo of me sans makeup and bra (also wearing my "professor" sweater):
Sunday, February 5, 2012
puppies and lamen and maniacs
Spike, you aren't doing your job! I don't have any desire to blog! What is going on!
Maybe I shouldn't FORCE the blog posts. Maybe the blog posts will just come to me, like in a dream or in the form of a fisherman. A fisherman? What am I talking about? And for about three seconds I thought they were called "fishmen." But I'm pretty sure "fishmen" are characters in some future badass M. Night Shama Llama movie. What's his name? M. Night Shaman Lamen? If Lamen and Lemuel were alive today, they would either be the coolest guys or the biggest dicks. I want to believe that they would be really cool and into air hockey. They are brothers, right? And what did they do? Cut off someone's head? I feel like the Spike just went straight to my head. Like, right now. RIGHT NOW. It's like 10,000 puppy bowls are happening in my brain this very second. And yes, I too was just reminded of 10,000 Maniacs. What a brilliant band name! Really.
The word "really" has been used only twice so far in this post. Really? That's maybe a new record for me, really.
Did you know "vocabulary" spelled backwards is "I don't give a shit"?
Guys, the PUPPY BOWL.
There's something missing in my life right now... And it's breakfast! Gotcha! You thought I was going to start talking about something serious and depressing, huh? Like, I was gonna get all existential on your nicely shaped ass. Nope. I mean, I COULD, but I won't. We always have shit missing in our lives, but we just keep rollin' with the punches. God. I just said "rollin' with the punches." Turns out THAT phrase was missing in my life. You know what's NOT missing in my life? My constant need to CAPITALIZE every OTHER word.
So anyway, time to eat. It's always, always time to eat. Don't forget!
Maybe I shouldn't FORCE the blog posts. Maybe the blog posts will just come to me, like in a dream or in the form of a fisherman. A fisherman? What am I talking about? And for about three seconds I thought they were called "fishmen." But I'm pretty sure "fishmen" are characters in some future badass M. Night Shama Llama movie. What's his name? M. Night Shaman Lamen? If Lamen and Lemuel were alive today, they would either be the coolest guys or the biggest dicks. I want to believe that they would be really cool and into air hockey. They are brothers, right? And what did they do? Cut off someone's head? I feel like the Spike just went straight to my head. Like, right now. RIGHT NOW. It's like 10,000 puppy bowls are happening in my brain this very second. And yes, I too was just reminded of 10,000 Maniacs. What a brilliant band name! Really.
The word "really" has been used only twice so far in this post. Really? That's maybe a new record for me, really.
Did you know "vocabulary" spelled backwards is "I don't give a shit"?
Guys, the PUPPY BOWL.
There's something missing in my life right now... And it's breakfast! Gotcha! You thought I was going to start talking about something serious and depressing, huh? Like, I was gonna get all existential on your nicely shaped ass. Nope. I mean, I COULD, but I won't. We always have shit missing in our lives, but we just keep rollin' with the punches. God. I just said "rollin' with the punches." Turns out THAT phrase was missing in my life. You know what's NOT missing in my life? My constant need to CAPITALIZE every OTHER word.
So anyway, time to eat. It's always, always time to eat. Don't forget!
Friday, February 3, 2012
sitars and mommies
read and witness the caffeine/taurine/panax ginseng extract kick in...
*all i want to listen to lately is sitar music - i have said this before (i almost typed "i have sexed this before"! what a fun/telling mistake!), so i apologize if inside you are screaming, "shut up about the sitar music, meg! we know! WE KNOW WE KNOW WE KNOW!" stop screaming at me.
my blog is just a place for me to list things, now isn't it? "is not it"? <-- this has never made sense to me.
my blog is also a place for me to tell saaad stories about my eating disorder and social anxieties.
my blog is also slowly transitioning into a... MOMMY BLOG!!! SURPRISE!!! BIG NEWS!!! totally fucking kidding. god. that would be scary shit.
not that there's anything wrong with mommy blogs (even though there is). if that's your thing, then that's your thing. don't let me stop you (i'm super passive anyway). you probably hate my blog with all of your heart (because i say swears and talk constantly about sitar music).
breakfast, i miss you. time to eat you.
*all i want to listen to lately is sitar music - i have said this before (i almost typed "i have sexed this before"! what a fun/telling mistake!), so i apologize if inside you are screaming, "shut up about the sitar music, meg! we know! WE KNOW WE KNOW WE KNOW!" stop screaming at me.
my blog is just a place for me to list things, now isn't it? "is not it"? <-- this has never made sense to me.
my blog is also a place for me to tell saaad stories about my eating disorder and social anxieties.
my blog is also slowly transitioning into a... MOMMY BLOG!!! SURPRISE!!! BIG NEWS!!! totally fucking kidding. god. that would be scary shit.
not that there's anything wrong with mommy blogs (even though there is). if that's your thing, then that's your thing. don't let me stop you (i'm super passive anyway). you probably hate my blog with all of your heart (because i say swears and talk constantly about sitar music).
breakfast, i miss you. time to eat you.
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