near, far, wherever you are

I am starting to get lazy and want to just write lists and fragmented sentences for my blog posts. So here goes.

"ocean" and "oh shit"-- perfect

for a good hour or so this afternoon i was petrified and it was NOT pleasant

last night i witnessed three impromptu performances of celine dion's "my heart will go on". it really really REALLY should have been captured on film, but sadly it was not. my my, it was beautiful and terribly strange. strangely beautiful.

boy, that one hour of being petrified sure wiped me out. i don't know if i can really write much right now.

i need to spruce up my grammar skills. that sentence was really annoying to me.

i don't think my zines-instead-of-traditional-papers went over well in alex's class... but i don't really care, which is somewhat unusual for me.

let it be. revolution.

i want to hug everyone right now. i need a hug.

"hell is other people at breakfast." --sartre

good quote. introvert.

read with a pencil in hand

today's purchases:
buddhadharma magazine that talks about medication and meditation to treat depression
sex, economy, freedom & community by wendell berry
collected shorter plays by samuel beckett
the essential dalai lama
a 12oz stainless steel thermos

today's lunch:
a mediterranean salad from oasis cafe

today's weather:
windy

today's depressing store:
forever 21

today's punchline:
helicopter

wonderbush = what i would name a lame band

today is the first time in a long time that i have worn a bra. it is so uncomfortable. but i feel suddenly sexier.

does the phrase "first time in a long time" seem odd or wrong to anyone? it's strange that there can be multiple first times. hey, if that's what guys like to hear...

sexual revolution '09. i am going to stop being so scared to say whatever i want.

my sentences tonight don't quite make sense. to me.

i want to be a part of the vagina monologues this year. when is it? do i have to audition?

unshaven rooms.

the weak men and provo push walk into a bar and by "bar" i mean SEGO and by "sego" i mean giff's corner and by "giff's corner" i mean yOuR mInD

i feel like my posts never have much to say... it's just me rambling about unimportant things, like writing with a purple pen. and nothing ever seems to be linear in these posts. maybe i should write about one topic-- like hot topic and how i once almost got a job there. i told them i liked the clash. they liked that i liked the clash (which i DO-- london calling is one of my favorite albums), but i guess something about me wasn't manufactured pop punk enough-- which is SO not true. i own black jelly bracelets and a non-authentic ramones t-shirt. so what i am trying to say is that hot topic can go take a flying leap.

flying leap?

yes. flying leap.

i just got out of an animal alliance club meeting. i am so happy that i decided to join that damn club (excuse me-- i am so stimulated right now and whenever i am in this damn hell ass awesome state, i swear. sometimes a lot. sometimes a fuck lot-- i didn't really use the "fuck word" the best way i could have. it just sounded weak. the weak men-- anyone? anyone? remember?). ANYWAY, i am glad i joined the club. i am glad that i am much more involved in school than... well, probably more than i have ever been in my college career. which has been a long career. and i am not even THAT involved, which just goes to show you how un-involved i have been in the past.

i want to write for the newspaper. AND i promise i did not just type that because a few of the newspaper people sometimes read this... i have just been thinking about it for awhile. i think about things a lot, but my problem is in turning those thoughts into actions. sometimes i need a little push (PROVO PUSH??? anyone? anyone? remember?). and wherever that push comes from, it just needs to come. and THAT--dear blog readers--is what she said.

weird that right after i typed "that's what she said", najib walks past the computer loft... weird, right? nothing's weird anymore. not even having a black president. okay, that's still a little weird. it's like, "WHAAA...?!?" everytime i remember that we have a black president. man. i was trying to be funny, but it just didn't happen. really, that wasn't funny at all. i am slowly turing into a bore.

you know who is really sOoO gAy??? team uvoice. good lord.

not starving (because he's eating grape nuts), maybe hysterical, definitely naked

thoughts at 6:26pm
it is odd to me that i have read the entire bible
or did the entire bible read me??? no.
i am excited to try out the deer hunter
five hour energy shots: cocaine in a bottle?
i still want a kitty
i stole generic goldfish crackers from my boss
my nails will always be uneven
nobody cares if my nails are uneven-- why did i write that?
somehow i have started writing with a purple pen
i want to start a sexual revolution
penguin dust
oh god oh jesus oh buddha let me be comfortable
i love this picture:

the photographer (larry keenan) said this about the picture (taken in ginsberg's san francisco apartment in 1965): Once when I was visiting Allen in his apartment he asked me if I would like some coffee. Having said "Yes," he presented me with a metal bowl with coffee in it. The bowl seemed strange (like a dog dish) and I nursed the coffee to cool it down. Soon he started asking "Are you finished with that, man?" I would say "No, not yet" and after awhile I started to feel uncomfortable because the bowl seemed important to him. When I finally said "Yes," he grabbed the bowl away -- threw the remaining coffee in the sink and sat down with the bowl for his breakfast cereal. I was using his only bowl.

(.)(.) obscene and inappropriate, meghan (.)(.)

okay okay okay-- i shouldn't be blogging. and i should be using capitals. psych, it doesn't matter. fuck grammar! and capitalization! and capitalism! and team uvoice! and "unwritten laws" or whatever the fuck made the engaged poster come down. i would say "excuse my language", but since i just came (pun???) from alex's class, i don't feel the need to excuse any kind of language. so rest easy, it's okay. is it okay? i should be doing homework and reading and painting walls at work (which is such a pain-- the week that i am so extremely busy i actually have WORK to do at work?!? what the fu...dge?!?), but instead i am going to brag. just for a second.

please excuse my boastfulness.

i submitted nine poems to touchstones and all of them got accepted. ALL. i think that's pretty cool... right? i mean, it's nothing TOO damn awesome, but it is still sorta kinda awesome. i am terrible at bragging. i just want to keep cutting myself down. "cut cut cut" is a dave matthews band lyric. what a dumb ass lyric. anyway, nine got chosen, but now they are making ME choose the four that will be published since i guess only four by the same author/poet/orem meg can be published??? i think i will choose the jesus ones.

i got an A on my modern american literature paper about the poetry of e.e. cummings and william carlos williams. okay, so it was only two pages long, but still. i was nervous. now i am pleased. but still nervous for some reason.

okay, now on to the elections! it is intense. and i am just the bodyguard (my new self-appointed unofficial title)! i can't even imagine actually running. which is why i will probably never run for any kind of office. imagine ME of all people in charge and making laws and ordering people or whatever elected people do. i would just be shy and muttering things under my breath, trailing off, avoiding eye contact. then i would probably just let everyone do whatever they want. and i would also take everything personally. if someone didn't vote for me or opposed some decision i made (that's assuming i would ever make a decision), i would think it was because i am an awful person and because i have gained weight. i am sure a pill.

chill pill, meg!

pills pills pills (not a dave matthews band lyric, but definitely should be. i will bring it up with dave the next time he and i are jammin'.).

another cup of coffee for the road

old habits die hard
OLD habits die hard
old HABITS die HARD
OLD HABITS DIE HARD
die hard starring bruce willis
watched it while blazed
psych
old habits DIE fucking HARD
hard hard hard
habits habits bits and bits of
HARD DIE HABITS OLD
old old old
get me out of
old habits
here
die
hard
hard
hard
hard