mole

Hey! Guess which restless neurotic foggy blogger is actually sitting down right now! And in a fairly okay mood! And running off of the fuel that food has given to her as opposed to fumes and caffeine? THIS foggy neurotic! Give me a medal! Give me a sucker! Give me a pat on the bag and a bucket of ice to chew and a gallon of hot tea to drink and a yurt. Please give me a yurt. My restless neurotic foggy blogging soul yearns for a yurt; always has, always will.

Yesterday I was a MONSTER. I don't know what in the world brought out my worst side aside from, sure, lack of sleep (but that's nothing new!!!) and Mercury. Yes, Mercury. Mercury in retrograde to be exact. I'm not exactly sure what any of that means, but I am 100% willing to place the blame on anything or anyone if it means protecting my precious ego and sense of self. Is "sense of self" synonymous with ego? Aren't the ego and the self the same thing? Why do I get hungry for frozen waffles anytime I type "ego"?

Today, thankfully, Mercury is going in the right direction and so am I. Well, I'm not necessarily going in any direction, but at least I'm not spiraling downward like I was a mere 24 hours ago. I believe a part of my not-horrifically-horrible mood today is due in part to the fact that I was BRAVE and went to the doctor's to get my blood checked. I also got a flu shot, which is almost as good as getting free frozen waffles. I was productive, I took care of errands, I did not stay holed up in my head all morning or afternoon. I will, however, stay super holed up in my brilliant head tonight because that's just what I like to do on Friday nights. That and defrost waffles.

The weather. The weather is also perfect. It's the right amount of rain and the right amount of chill and the right amount of fall. Bundle up a little, grab your stupid umbrella, and head out the door. Pretend you are in Portland walking to a local coffee shop in a gentrified neighborhood. Pretend you are going there to sip your skinny chai tea latte with organic unsweetened cashew milk while you write character sketches in your Moleskine for that screenplay/masterpiece you've been working on since graduating with an English degree over six years ago. Pretend you are going to sell that screenplay and make your millions and make your mark on the world by being the first screenwriter to win both an Oscar and a National Book Award and a Nobel Peace Prize and the New York Marathon. Pretend you are glowing. Pretend you are the muse. Pretend you are invincible and visible and on the verge of levitating. You are it. You are what we've been waiting for. You are glad you grabbed your umbrella.

Now where was I? Oh right. I was and still am right here. I have to remind myself of this every 45 seconds or so. Hey! Meg! You! Are! Here! Got it, thanks. I made a note of it in my Moleskine. Maybe you should, too. Maybe we should hug, eat waffles, and worship Mercury together. Think about it and get back to me. <3