station

Last night I briefly cried over the loss of a television station. It was very brief, about four and a half seconds, but the sadness was there. Laugh! Laugh if you must! Because it is pretty funny. Why was I so upset? Well, I won't bore you (and me) with getting to the root of the problem, but mostly it was just because this ultimately inconsequential station provided me with programs that made me feel SMARTER and MORE WELL INFORMED ABOUT THE WORLD AND ITS CITIZENS after watching them. Could I get this similar result from reading a book? Yes, you bozo. I read books all day long. But at night my mind can't read words, so it watches pictures instead. I GUESS there's this thing called the Internet. Fine fine fine.

Lately I have felt the strong desire to step out of my small world. I wouldn't even call it a desire -- it's more of a need. It is necessary for me to quit being involved in solely my own life and begin to reach out and explore the lives of others. I want to get involved and not always be "just an observer." Observing is great. It's what I think all writers and artists do constantly. But now it's time for me to step in and try my hand at being one of the observed. In short, I want to connect.

I have wanted to connect all along. I crave a community, something I've written about often in the past. It seems strange that a loner like me wants to be around people, but I don't think it's strange at all. I just want to be around people with whom I can connect. Connection does not always mean we share similar viewpoints or have the same interests. Connection just means... well, connection. It means seeing the person in that moment as a person, as someone who experiences fear, joy, hunger, satisfaction, confusion, clarity. I suppose this connection could happen with anyone if we (I) just try hard enough. I will say, however, that it doesn't hurt at all to be in a community with like-minded folk. I can't help but be very desirous of that.

It will take effort on my part to form this kind of connection. I can't keep running away from what I don't know, I can't keep immediately labeling those I don't know as ignorant idiots. I gotta give people a chance, which begins with giving myself a chance. First step is to listen. Simply listen without filling in any blanks. No Mad Libs here. Stop expecting the worst, stop expecting the best, stop expecting. Just start listening and experiencing and then don't be surprised when connection is the sum of the two.

This whole post has been one long Note to Self. I hope it has been at least somewhat useful or amusing for you to read. If not, I have provided some delightful pictures below. Enjoy. <3 <3 <3