Friday, June 24, 2016


Today I have taken a walk, thought about the apocalypse, listened to a young man practice the saxophone in the park (he played the entire Lion King soundtrack not well, which is why he is practicing), finished an unsatisfying book about espionage or something I can't quite remember who cares on to the next book I say, did not shower, put on an old raggedy t-shirt that reminds me of a time in my life when I was young and dumb and lost and in love with all the wrong people and I think I had short hair as well, killed a spider and screamed and heard the body crunch under my fingertips, found a lost earring, chewed on some ice cubes and a tissue after cutting the roof of my mouth with a sharp ice shard, took a photo of myself imitating the Kardashians in order to make someone laugh, discussed politics and golf courses, considered a life as an Icelandic farmer, held on tight to anxiety but then decided to let it go a little, washed my face, put on old red lipstick, used sunscreen, told a boy on a bicycle that he needs to ride it in the street and not on the sidewalk because the sidewalk is technically for pedestrians and determined weeds, returned the unsatisfying book to the library after skimming the last 47 pages, logged on, logged off, wore sunglasses briefly, used humor, planned to make iced tea later in the day (which would be right around now), took out some trash, checked the mail, locked the door.

Tonight I will take a walk, think about Dollywood, try to have a few conversations with a few human beings, do a few push-ups, listen to the radio while I shower, make overnight oats and wash celery, forget to drink the iced tea I made, try to recall a few theorems, gift my mother with my presence, gift myself with a scalp massage using one of those wire thingies, rub my feet, look at pictures of meals that high school girls recovering from eating disorders post online, wish I was a part of a community, regret so many things, watch so many things on television, eat and then eat again and then continue to eat until oh my goodness it's almost three in the morning I better be off to bed I am so exhausted why do I stay up so late I am going to be so tired again oh well I will come up with a better schedule soon I hope I can fall asleep I hope I don't wake up a thousand times in the middle of the night to pee the day goes by so fast my dreams are waiting and I can't wait to see what they will be hopefully they won't be about snakes and aggressive owls like they were last night, floss.

Tomorrow I will do it all over again, but completely different and with more iced tea.

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