path

A few months ago when I began working at what I call my "second job" (cuz, you know, I have two jobs), I had what might be considered a slight crisis. All of my coworkers were at least a decade younger than me. They all had more money than me. And more motivation. I felt, to put it mildly, wildly inferior. I felt (and still feel to some degree -- probably always will) out of place. I began beating myself up for being "nowhere" in my life. Here I was, a 31-year-old with a college degree, working a part-time job for almost minimum wage. Most people my age seem to have three kids, a loving spouse, a house of their own, and enough cash in the bank to take Disneyland vacations once a year. Oh yes, and they have careers. And a purpose. And peace of mind. Right? Okay, that might not be entirely true for everyone. And even if it is true for some people, it probably just looks that way on the surface. There will always be the not-so-shiny stuff underneath. It's in my best interest if I stop assuming -- and comparing.

At the risk of sounding cliche, I will say (declare! exclaim! shout as loud as I can with laryngitis!) that I am simply on my own path. I do not know why I place so much value on employment anyway. Who cares how one pays the bills, so long as it does not harm yourself or others. I believe what is more important than an income and a title is doing what you love, even if it takes you decades to pinpoint that passion. I am still finding that love. I am proud of myself for searching. It may take me longer than most because I am determined to be as honest as I can be with what I dedicate my time to. Well, whaddya know? I AM determined. I am not a slacker (well, for the most part), I am not a loser (well, only sometimes), I am just walking through the forest and taking time to look at each leaf on every tree.