blanket

It will take too long to explain and probably won't make much sense, but trust me when I say that things are topsy turvy for me at work. In short, the director of the school had me switch places with a coworker because I am CPR certified and she is not. My duties now are easier, but lonelier. Naturally I grew attached to the children I had been working with and now -- poof. They are gone. They were sincerely my pals and I loved spending an hour a day with them. And to be honest, they loved me a shit ton. I do not believe the director made a wise decision and I am hella struggling with the change. If you've been a faithful reader of this roller coaster of a blog, you know that change is a weeeee bit difficult for me, especially sudden, unforeseen changes. But but but (butt butt butt), it will be okay. I am not terribly distraught, although it has been taking up a majority of my thoughts (and dreams). I may have to get way out of my comfort zone and even tell the director my honest feelings about the change. Or maybe I'll just quit and disappear into the desert with nothing but a notebook, pen, and sunbutter an jam sandwich.

I didn't want to write about my job. I wanted to write about my eating disorder and my current struggles. But I wasn't prepared to dive into that rather heavy subject in the 15 minutes I have given myself to write. So I will put that off for another day. I will say, however, that I am in a much better spot than I have been in quite some time. When I say "current struggles," I mean that I am making healthy changes and am having to confront ED head on. That is a struggle and always will be. I am not a confrontational person -- and confronting something that has been a security blanket (a security blanket that ends up suffocating me, of course) for over two decades ain't a walk in the park. But I am strong.

I think I'll end this post here. I know there are more things I want to discuss, such as MY BIG PLANS TO BECOME A FARMER and WHY I LOVE CRYSTALS SO MUCH and HOW BADLY MY CHAKRAS ARE BLOCKED (someone call the chakra plumber), but I will wait to write because... Just because. Sometimes I don't need to explain everything. Sometimes "just because" is enough just because.