Did I put myself in hot water with that last post? Maybe I put myself into cold water? Maybe I am a cold, frigid bitch who will never learn how to love another human!!! Because I am a robot!!! I am joking. Joking my life away. But let's be honest, I am not a cold, frigid bitch. Being a bitch ain't a bad thing, though. I wish I was more of a bitch. I wish I had more of an assertive takes-no-shit-from-anyone attitude in my 20s. I would have saved myself from a lot of trouble/terrible dudes.
I am good at "moving on." I can essentially forget about a person in a matter of half a day. This isn't necessarily a strength, but it has served as a form of protection. I am not good at sticking up for myself, but I am improving. For example, if I ran into that person who terrified me yesterday (in public, not in some dark alley, of course), I would probably be polite and all, "Hi! How are you?" Small talk crap which I hate. I would leave quickly, though, because I am excellent at escaping situations. Being polite and courteous is nice, yes yes, but when will I realize I don't owe anyone anything? I mean, I'm not going to go around smashing objects and grabbing things and claiming they are mine. I am not a toddler. I am not, like, "GO TO HELL! I DON'T OWE A SINGLE PERSON ONE DARN THING! OUTTA MY WAY, LOSERS!!!" No. But I can, without fear or guilt, stand my ground and... get ready for it... do more of what makes me happy. I have a magnet that says just that, actually. Given to me by a dear, distant friend. I will. I will do way-the-hell more of what makes me happy.
So what makes me happy? First and foremost, spending time outside. Even if it's in crappy Orem at a crappy tree museum with crappy kids zooming past me on their spectacularly crappy razor scooters, it is still outside. Ideally I would be spending time outside in some quiet canyon... So... Maybe I will do that. Maybe I will make it a priority to go up into the canyons at least once a week. It's my temple, people! A canyon of ghosts, a river of repentance.
Books also make me happy. But NO MORE hoarding books, okay, Meg? Because the other thing that makes me happy is giving things away, simplifying my life, decluttering. All I seem to talk about these days is decluttering. A sure sign I am getting older is that I find pure joy in dusting.
I will not overwhelm myself right now with a lengthy list of things that make me happy because then I won't know where to start or on which area to focus. So to recap, the three things that make me happy: Canyons, literature, minimalism. I will go into the canyon, I will immerse myself in a book, and I will not buy more shit. Perfect.
Thanks for continuing to read what is basically just my brain vomiting onto a screen. You keep me writing.