What to write what to write what to write OH! I know. No, I don't. Let me go scrounge up something from the back of my mind.
So you remember how way back in the olden days doctors would prescribe "a winter in Italy" for things like a cough? That was awesome. Nowadays docs prescribe all sorts of corrosive medications, which usually need other medications in order to get off of the initial medication, which ends up being more expensive than a winter in Italy. It's, like, Italy and pasta and scooter rides through vineyards > addiction.
I will be moving in September. Ahhahahahahahhhhhhhh. That looks like I was laughing. "Ah! Hahahaha!" But I assure you I am not laughing. I am not not laughing, either. Wait. So I am in some gray space of not LOLing, but also not not LOLing? What would that even be? Anyway, I am sincerely PUMPED about moving, but late at night the sadness creeps in with his pal doubt. I wonder (often), "What the hell am I doing?" Am I being selfish? Why, exactly, am I paying $$$ for a place when I am paying no $$$ for a decent place right now? Shouldn't I have a job before I move? Am I an adorable idiot with her adorable head in the VERY adorable clouds? Please oh please answer all of these questions for me right now! I miss having someone/something telling me what to do and how and when and leaving me to not have to stay up at night with those buzzkills Sadness and Doubt. But alas.
In somewhat related news, I will hopefully be taking swimming lessons this fall/winter! At some rec center. I'll probably be the only student. I will wear floaties and a swimming cap. I will be the star student and everything will be beautiful and I will become a professional big wave surfer and nothing in life will ever hurt or be sad or empty except for the good, Buddhist kind of emptiness.
Going back to me moving, I want to reiterate that I am PUMPED. Sadness, Doubt, and a billion questions are normal, at least for me. Any change brings uncertainty and a tinge of regret. But change also brings with it a Mary Poppins bag of experiences, people, perspectives. I am ready to be the baby Bambi and try walking on my own two wobbly legs. I CAN DO IT. I can be a swimmer instead of a sinker in this pool of life! High five me! Right now! Through the Web. Love you.