weeding

I wish I would have more faith in myself.

I wish I would quit letting narcissistic men into my life. No, we can't meet up while your girlfriend is on vacation. No, I am not charmed by your short, borderline offensive texts. No, I am not that girl that will run off to Paris with you and steal cars. Maybe you can ask me how my day was? Or what kind of books I like to read? Maybe I don't have to be a cutesy, compulsive character in your coming-of-age tale. I'm probably going to ignore you from now on. Besides, who said that I was ever interested? Being polite does not equal let's date.

I wish I was brave enough to live my truth.

I wish I knew what I meant by "truth." I wish I didn't have to start almost all of these sentences with "I wish." I wish I spent less time wishing and more time doing.

So maybe I will. I will drop off the face of the online planet for a bit and maybe never answer your texts and definitely not answer your calls. I will immerse myself into the reading and writing of poetry and essays and plays that will save. The amount of energy I've given up to peripheral people and activities that do not serve my personal truth is disheartening, but that doesn't mean it can't change. I'll start tonight.

Not everyone has to be a soulmate.