It's been a few soul-searching hours. Here are a few things I'd most like to do:
1. I want to go to grad school. I'll go anywhere I am accepted. I will begin by researching schools/programs and working up the courage to ask old professors if a) they remember me and b) they are willing to write a letter of recommendation for me. I will also indulge in poets and poems and poetry terms and poetry readings and practically anything to do with poetry, except perhaps really sad open mic nights at local coffee shops. Okay, maybe I'll give them a shot. Oh yeeeeeah. And I also want/need to write my own poetry. You know, because if that's what I intend to do as a profession, then I might as well start practicing.
2. I want to strengthen my relationships with my family and female friends. Both groups are overwhelmingly supportive and nurturing to me. I want to be a better daughter/sister/friend. I am going to smother them with so much love that they will become overwhelmed and leave me! Perfect!
3. I want and desperately need to be kinder to myself. I am still figuring out how to do this. This might mean easing up on my "rules" and rituals. This might mean practicing loving-kindness meditation towards myself. This might mean wearing a sweet little locket around my neck that holds two Little Meggie pictures inside. When I am tempted to beat myself up in any way, all I have to do is look inside my locket. But will that work?! There's only 47 ways to find out. Or one. Yeah, there is only one way to find out. Unless you believe in prayer and/or fortune tellers. So there are about two and a half ways to find out. Well, I guess I could have a vision, too. There are ways to find this out. I think I'll go with the tried and true "try it and find out for yourself" method. Science! Experiments! Lockets!
That's it for now. Basically, in no particular order, I want to focus on grad school and poetry, family and female friends, and self-compassion and lockets. And maybe some science experiments on the side.