wander

Do I want to come home or do I want to wander? These two conflicting desires occupy most of the space in my brain. It has been a full-time job just trying to figure out which general direction I wish to walk. Or jog. Or run, except I run for the wrong reasons. I run to get away from things/people/places. I don't run to things. I never have and I doubt I ever will.

So walk. So walking it is. I will walk towards and on a path that I alone choose. So choice. It's my choice. That means the mistakes are on my already heavy shoulders. Should I even care? Wouldn't it be better to be reckless and daring? The moment I shy away from the spontaneous is the moment I shy away from the gunshot that signifies the race has begun.

But then again, I won't run. I will walk. I will dip my toes in and test the waters. I'll watch what others do before I decide to dive. This is simply the who and what I am and I don't think I need to change. Of course, the only thing one can count on is change. So will I change my mind on change? Or will I just ask for more spare change so I can continue my life of meandering through the thoughts that fill my head?

I figure both my dreams and nightmares serve a purpose. I figure I may not figure it out. I figure I'll get a decent night's sleep tonight. Let us give thanks for that.