Friday, July 5, 2013

reliable, dammit!

In order to recover, I need to become even more boring than I already am. I need to follow a fairly strict schedule (with eating and waking/sleeping). I can't put myself in situations that will likely trigger me... Which means no hipster indie concerts/events, no bar hopping, and definitely no mall shopping (no problem there). Get ready to go with me to the library and read silently, friends! We can also grab tea and draw. Better yet, let's get outside.

I also need to be surrounded by reliable people. I use the word "reliable" because right now that's what I need more than even compassionate people. A mini-breakthrough that I recently had in therapy helped me to see that reliability is something vital to me, something that went missing often in my past. I myself need to be more reliable, too. I "flake out" and cancel plans and make up excuses and disappear. It's my "thing." Thanks to my eating disorder, I have become a perfect hermit. Is food involved? I most likely won't go. Do I feel "fat" today? I most likely won't leave the house. Will this interrupt my exercise schedule? No thank you. So when I finally DO feel like doing things and interacting with the human race, but then someone either cancels on me or forgets our plans, it puts me right back into hermit mode. I realize that's a lot of responsibility on various shoulders (various shoulders?), but... Oh well.

So I need to eat regularly. Like, at 8am, 12pm, and 6pm. And I want to be asleep by 11pm. And I can't really be drinking caffeine or alcohol anymore. If you are also up for eating at 8am, 12pm, and/or 6pm, let me know. But let me know at least a day in advance! And when we are eating whatever it is that we are eating, please do not say that you are going to be "bad" and have the fries or that you "can't possibly finish the whole thing." Just eat your damn food and let me eat my damn food and let's have a damn pleasant experience, dammit! Whoa. I am so aggressive! Psych. I am super passive, but I'm learning to assert myself more. Kinda.


Matt said...

French fries are evidence that God loves us and wants us to be happy. If you know someone that won't eat all their fries, you need to ask yourself if you really need someone like that in your life. (The answer is "no.")

For the record: I will always eat all of my fries... and probably a couple of yours. :)

cassie said...