I wonder sometimes how and why and for what reason I ended up where I've ended up. Why was I so compelled to move to Salt Lake? And why did I stay here when everything was bleak and nearly unbearable? I quit two jobs after the first day and then later on I couldn't even get a job. I started slipping away into my bad habits and patterns and people and then suddenly I inherit a knee injury and a huge responsibility. The responsibility, of course, being the one-on-one aide to a child with severe emotional issues. These two events forced me out of my rut and thank god that they did. But it's too early to tell if this particular job is why I have ended up here. Besides, do I even believe in that kind of fate? "Things happen for a reason." Maybe not. "People are in your life for a reason." Maybe not. So who knows? I am going to be completely optimistic here for a minute, but I believe I can be a positive person in this child's life. I believe, ahem, that I can make a difference. If nothing else, I want to be someone that will listen. I am not sure many people really listen closely to this student. And that's a bit of a tragedy. There are other days, of course, that I'll just want to (and will) say, "Oh, fuck it." I'm prepared for those days. I'm always prepared for those days.