Well, the impossible happened: I am employed.
I work at charter school in West Valley City called Alianza Academy. The director of the school has a nose ring. A few of my employees have gauges. I saw Salinger's Nine Stories on the bookshelf. The academic dean recommended that I read Anne Carson's Nox. THEY HAVE A COFFEE MAKER. Yep, I feel much more at home in this environment than I ever did in my years working for public schools. Thank Santa Buddha God.
I am an aide for one particular student who has special needs. I do not know much about him yet except that his favorite color is green and that he is a semi-professional hula hooper. I suspect I will get to know quite a bit more about him as time goes by, seeing as I will be spending at least 30 hours a week one-on-one with someone. That's a lot of hours, folks. I don't even want to spend that much time with a romantic partner. And then the old question must now be asked: Who's going to learn more in this situation?