doo doo and Jane Austen

Okay, who hacked into my blog last night and posted that cuckoo loopy freaked up piece of shoot? (Did you see how I censored myself? Shoot instead of shit! Criminy instead of fuck! Doo Doo Head instead of Fucktard!)

I feel like I'm living in a world surrounded by people who are living in a Jane Austen novel, but my own life is like a cynical Bukowski poem or perhaps a Brautigan novel. You know, full of cigarettes, whiskey, and an Asian women obsession. Actually, I don't smoke. When Joe Joe went outside yesterday for a smoke smoke, he asked me if I wanted a cig cig and I said yes, but only to put behind my ear while I read horoscopes aloud to whomever would listen.

My horoscope basically told me everything in my life is just dandy right now. Five stars!

Criminy, Gemini! Things sure don't feel so dandy at the moment. I ain't livin' in Austen's world, okay? And yeah, ham on rye does sound good right now. Minus the ham part. Rye bread, though? I believe I ate it every single day I was in Death Valley. Rye toast, omelette (does it make you mad I spell it all French-like? if so, why are you so angry? is there something bigger bothering you that you aren't confronting and instead you take out your frustration on the way I spell a particular breakfast food? i am truly sorry. capitalization? yeah, it's a bit erratic. are you angry that it's so erratic?), hashbrowns, and coffee. And stolen bottles of Tabasco.

I find myself wanting to copy/paste tweets into my blog posts for those of you who do not have a Twitter account because DAMMIT, some of my tweets have been so funny lately, especially when they get a little help from the Sailor. IFYOUKNOWWHATIMEAN.

Wow. That was pretty self-absorbed of me to say, right? But I need to start being more self-absorbed, right? Well, maybe "self-absorbed" isn't the right word (words? hyphenated word?). Basically, I just need to stop treating myself like shit. That would be a good first step.

Another good step? Eating. Always eat, Meg! Food is a friend and so fucking awesome. Whoops. I mean, food is a friend and so doo doo head awesome.