the batshit craziness of finals is here and gently stroking my hair while singing nonsensical riddles in my ear

If only I could write blogs instead of 10-page papers... But that is AGAINST THE RULES and I must continue to play by these soul crushing rules if I am ever to graduate. (And then I shall go on to play a different set of rules that deal with 9-5s and corporate suits and broken copy machines-- psych. I plan on being a barista or nun or something after college. Truly. That's another post for another time, though.) Anyway, what was I saying? I can't remember. Kidding, I can completely remember because it's all I completely think about all the complete time. My paaaaper.

Sure, I've had weeks and weeks to work on this paper. Sure, I could have started it weeks and weeks ago and been much less stressed than I am right now. Sure, but then what kind of red-blooded American college student would I be? A responsible one? They don't exist. They are just a myth. Like the Loch Ness Monster or Michael Jordan.

Oh, I could go on complaining and whining and crying about my irresponsible and lazy work ethic, but what fun would that be for you the reader? Instead I will delight (and perhaps disgust! disturb! disappoint!) you with a list of facts from today:

*I got a free hat from Outdoor Recreation! I don't know why they were giving away free hats, but they were. I love my new hat and so will you. There is a picture below that you have PROBABLY already seen on Facebook/in your dreams.
*I wore my big, clunky, unfashionable, WARM and SAFE snow boots again. I remember being 21 or 22 and insisting that I wear my white cowboy boots during the winter months. I fell so many times in those boots because they were not made for anything but looking cool/stupid. Now that I am sOoOo much older, it feels good to care less about fashion and more about practicality.
*I am freezing my ass and everything else off in the newsroom. GOOD THING I HAVE MY HAT AND BOOTS TO KEEP ME WARM. And Jack.
*Not to bring up my paper again, but... Well, to bring up my paper again, I decided just a few hours ago to be insane and change the topic of it completely. I threw my old idea out with the bathwater (?) and started reading up on everything hip hop. I actually feel good about this, despite having to write the whole thing in just a few days.
*I stole some trail mix off of Jessica's desk. Jessica, if you read this, I am not talking about you. I am talking about that other Jessica from the newsroom. No worries.
*Hey, Jack, I can smell your 12 inch... SUBWAY SANDWICH, that is! It smells delightfully subby.
*This isn't news from today, but from yesterday: I received quite the positive feedback in class about my play. How could you NOT love a play that includes a psychotic Snuggle Bear? Okay, so I am thinking a couple of people, including a dude who writes really bad Westerns, actually hated my play. But whatevs. The people whose opinions I trust liked it. Maybe one day I will let you read excerpts from it, blog reader(s).

Sorry. Long. But now the moment you have all waited for/dreaded-- The uncensored picture of my uncensored and unpriced (FREE) hat: