Well, I feel like I have to write something about 2009. My fear is that a) there is too much to tell, b) some of the things to tell should probably be written down in a locked diary and hidden under my mattress, and c) I don't feel quite prepared or ready to write about the year. Will I ever be prepared or ready, though? No. So instead of meditating about the year for a few minutes/hours and then writing this post, I will instead make this post my meditation. This will be messy, this will not be chronological, and in no way will this be logical. Abstract, fragmented, vulnerable-- descriptions of this post and this past year. And it begins (ends):
*January was a bit of a haze. Probably went to a couple of parties, talked about Europe and cruises, and closed a few chapters.
*February 14. Snowy, wet day. Had plans to hang out with that Jack kid from school. Met at Savers. Went to lunch. Bookstores. Del Taco. Parking lot. Kiss on the cheek. Scrape ice off car. And the crush begins.
*Write poems about Jesus, of course. Get a non-Jesus poem published in a journal.
*Team Engaged. The most school involvement I have had in nearly 8 years. They lose; doesn't matter. Great friends and great posters are made.
*March 12. I actually have a boyfriend.
*Moab. Sparkle. Become better friends with Whitney. Najib has a knife.
*Job at museum ends. Thanks a lot, budget cuts.
*How in the world did I become the features editor of the school paper? Well, I know how. Because I applied and I was qualified. But when did I become such a go-getter?
*Cut hair, dye brown. Not big news, I do it all the time.
*Move in to apartment with Jennifer as my roommate (and then eventually Greg and Jack as my roommates as well).
*Oh yeah, I ate pizza for the first time in ages and felt relatively okay about it.
*Celebrate 25th birthday camping with my dad and sister. It rains.
*Spend all summer adjusting, reading, and reading. Oh, and reading.
*Things really really really begin to suck in August.
*And I mean suck really bad.
*I become a vegan for a little while. Start a blog with a clever name.
*Newspaper retreat in Park City. Read out of the Bible. To everything there is a season.
*Go to Jackson with my dad and sister. Peaceful.
*Write an insane number of papers for somewhat insanely difficult (but rewarding) classes. Proud of myself (sort of).
*Newspaper conference in Austin. Halloween night I, as Bob Dylan, become Holy! Holy! Holy! at Black Cats.
*Thanksgiving. And then Christmas. Books.
*Medicine. Pills. Caffeine.
*I am getting tired.
*This year was pretty dull. No big surprises or ups or downs. PSYCH YOU SO HARD IN THE HEAD.
It's time for me to publish this. I don't really want to write anything else at the moment. Poetic lines are not coming to me. I do not know how to end this. Not that it's the end, though. So I will leave you with these words: The way to illumination appears dark.