Thursday, August 13, 2009

this post features the words "douchey" and "Greg Wilcox"

Well, I'm not on Adderall, so don't expect this post to be long or well-written. As sad as it is, I feel like Adderall makes me a better writer. But at times it also makes me a frantic writer. You know, just writing all sorts of drawn out weird "SHIT" that ends up making no sense. But nothing really makes sense these days/this week, and, well, that's life/this week, kiddo.

What a stupid paragraph. It sure SOUNDS like I'm on Adderall. But I assure you I am not.

I want to say a few things.

I don't know what it is about the public forum. Why am I writing somewhere where anybody in the world can read my thoughts? Why not just write in a private diary with a lock on it and the key hidden under my teddy bear? Because I don't have a teddy bear. And because perhaps I want the "secret" pleasure in knowing that my current struggles and internal dialogues with myself will be read by certain people. I imagine them getting onto the Internet. I imagine them clicking on the link to my blog. I imagine them reading my words and thinking of me. Hmmm. I wonder how obvious this "them" is. It's one person, okay? One person.

Man. I shouldn't write this post. I should delete it. But I like the honesty and vulnerability. Can I admit that? Does admitting that make it less honest? No, I don't think so. I think it just means I am self-aware. Wow, that last sentence sounded so... douchey. Does it sound douchey? Good Lord/BUDDHA, I question myself a lot. I guess I'm really not that self-aware.

I'm rambling. Because I forgot what it was I even wanted to say.

I think I just wanted to say that Greg Wilcox is on the cover of City Weekly and that Pearl Jam is coming in concert. There. Now "them" knows.

And by the way, I DO have a teddy bear. I have a couple, actually. And one that is big and white and wearing a green bow. But it doesn't really matter because I never close the lock. They key was lost long ago.


errin julkunen-pedersen said...

dear sister friend,

i believe in wearing your heart on your sleeve.

i don't believe in douches. well, i believe in them as a concept, but not as something that should be part of a woman's life.

i learned about a year ago that it was ok to use the word douche or douchebag as a slur against a man. at first i thought it might be offensive to women, but would you like to know the origin of the word in slang? it's a feminist term from the seventies based on the idea that douches are BAD for women. Douches try to make women feel bad about something that is normal and healthy. (we're talking about ACTUAL douches, of the lady masingil type, here, but see how the analogy follows?)

i love you. i don't so much love pearl jam, even though they are from the nineties. eddie vedder made it hard for me to like the movie "into the wild."

say no to douches/douchbags/douching.


errin julkunen-pedersen said...

for the record: on the cover of city weekly, greg looks like some kind of modern day joseph smith. that should be his halloween costume. or day to day costume...

Sarah Jane said...

I'm a stranger
found your blog
read some post

I loved your honesty
it's beautiful beautiful