I know it ain't the New Year, but it is Easter and... And I have no idea where I am going with this. I just want to reflect a little, man! And woman! And also children. Hey, children, why are you reading my blog? You are well-advised not to. It contains swears and the occasional naked breast (does it?)... Not that I find anything wrong with either of those two things, but your parents probably do not want you exposed to real life at your young age. Go back to playing your incredibly horrifically insanely violent video games and I'll go back to my Easter Egg Hunt of the Mind, okay? And hey, kid -- don't grow up too fast. Take time to swing in tire swings over rivers and shit. Play with marbles. Learn about Mesopotamia and how to tie your shoelaces. There will be plenty of time for that naked breast later.
As I wasn't saying, let me reach into the soggy corners of my mind and do a little reflection on the past few months and what I have learned. Ugh. That sounds boring, but I'm determined to reflect and then maybe as a reward to you loyal reader(s) I will post a picture of a boneless, skinless chicken breast at the end of this post. Don't scroll down and peek, sneaky perv!
Alcohol is not worth it. The occasional wine with friends sounds pleasant and sexy and possibly gross because it would be boxed wine, but alone in my room with sadness in my heart and liquor in my tumbler and Tumblr on my screen is a fun combo for about thirty minutes and then it's just downhill from there. I am better off without the crutch. So is my liver.
I am still lonely, though. The gin was a pretend friend for so long. Part of my loneliness comes from my living situation. I have learned that, oddly enough, me living alone = me being less lonely. Sometimes other people increase the loneliness so plainly and so easily that it aches. I have learned that I will go into a tiny bit of debt just in order to have that autonomy and independence. Hey, find me an apartment, okay? In return I will give you a hug and a homemade dinner at my new pad. Pad thai? Pssh, yeah right. Like I know how to stir-fry Pho noodles. We'll just order take-out.
I have learned to eat. And to be mostly okay with the fact that I am full. I am too tired to put up a fight against myself at every single meal. Three meals a day? Three battles a day. But I have my hard hat and ammo. I miss out on too much when I sit by the sidelines starving. I'd rather have my pants fit a little snugger than not try those stir-fried noodles (or gelato or guacamole or delicately prepared truffles at some fancy five-star restaurant). I have made progress, but I am still in a minefield.
I have learned knees are important, Korean convenience store owners are friendly, and Trax etiquette.
I no longer get that lightheaded feeling on elevators anymore, which I miss. I prefer walking up hills to walking down hills. I am a pro at walking across busy streets safely. I still can't parallel park.
Books. Books will always console the mind, much more effectively than gin.
I am beginning to forgive, mostly for the sake of my own psyche.
I miss him, but not enough to give him the time of day ever again.
I have learned that hot tubs don't really appeal to me. I have learned that maybe hot tubs would appeal to me if I actually used them. I have learned that I forget that I have access to a hot tub. I have learned that hot tub time machines don't exist, sadly. I have learned that I need to stop writing blog posts while buzzed on caffeine. At least I'm sober as a stone, right? Are stones sober? I guess that's something I still need to learn.
(And no, this is not a picture of a breast, but it's the "breast" I can do on a day like today, that day being EASTER. Happy Easter, sweethearts!)