Anytime I get down on myself, I will try to remember that I was once that sweet little gal that cried into her bowl of mac-n-cheese while watching A Land Before Time. I am still that sweet little girl! Although I am now a WOMAN. (But am I a woman? I still feel small and invisible and incapable of so many "womanly" things. I do not like this.)
Tonight I went on a long solo walk. I admired architecture and trees and squirrels running across power lines. The electrical current buzzed and soothed the same buzz in my head. I thought of him. I loved him, or was at least on the verge of loving him. He wanted to hunt for feathers with me on city streets. I miss him, or at least I am on the verge of missing him. That was so long ago.
I am afraid of my changing shape. I am afraid of the shifts and the softness; I hid behind the sharp corners and now those safe spots have become too dangerous. I am about to become visible and I am entirely unprepared.
What exactly killed the dinosaurs? Their bones are out there, hidden, but still taking up space. Fossilization processes proceed differently according to tissue type and external conditions. Internally I'm still buried.