there are two different kinds of super bowls

Tomorrow afternoon millions of Americans will be watching million dollar commercials that glorify Doritos and Budweiser and Big Macs. They will be lounging in their leather La-Z-Boys with their nachos resting comfortably on their stomach. And this is acceptable. This mass numbing of America is more than acceptable, it is encouraged. It is funded. It is calculated. It is controlled. But what can't be controlled is unwelcomed, rejected, and it won't do. It won't do to have millions of angelheaded hipsters cowering in unshaven rooms. How can a capitalist society run when people are allowed to "(bare) their brains to Heaven"? It can't. Enjoy your nachos, America.

characterized by or proceeding from such carelessness: reckless extravagance.

i hope no one knows that i got this idea from facebook. oh crap.

1. i think people think i am much more well read than i actually am.
2. today i wrote a poem about dead vegetables.
3. text messages will be the death of me-- they cause me so much unnecessary anxiety.
4. yet still i send record length texts. i fear they may overwhelm people.
5. i think that almost 100% of the time i feel guilty for the wrong things.
6. i don't really know what color my eyes are.
7. number 6 is kind of a lie.
8. i miss him.
9. no i don't.
10. "labels for this post: e.g. scooters, vacation, fall" = funny.
11. i have a feeling 2009 might be the new 2007. which is a bit frightening.
12. my behavior at home is vastly different from my behavior in public. wouldn't you like to know what i do... you will probably never know, though, because...
13. i have a REALLY hard time being completely myself around people. i think there has only been one person outside of my family with whom i felt comfortable enough around to be authentic meg.
14. do i miss him?
15. i have very very very detailed rituals.
16. i love sexy dreams. so so much.
17. i like my job.
18. i actually DON'T have an eating disorder. psych. dumb psych.
19. i used to hide in my dad's record cabinet when i was little and pretend like i was a jukebox. like i would have my mom or dad or sister drop a quarter into the door of the cabinet and then i would start singing.
20. i have the urge to brush my teeth often, especially after chewing gum.
21. i don't know directions well at all. like simple north east south west directions. embarrassing.
22. i feel like males, whether friends or lovers, will abandon me. issues!
23. i want to go on some wild, reckless, decadent vacation this summer.
24. i try very very hard not to look back because i know it will tear me up inside, but i must be some kind of masochistic person because all i ever do is look back.
25. i sleep completely naked.

simple list

It is my top priority this year (so far) to be healthy. Healthy in mind, body, and soul. MIND BODY SOUL-- I think I used to have the dumbest looking necklace in 10th grade that said these three words. And I don't mean to say it was the dumbest. Because it wasn't at all. I don't know why I felt the need to judge the necklace so harshly. Anyway, here is a list of things I could do in order for me to be healthy:
become vegan
cook more meals
ingest fewer intoxicants
stop with the Adderall
exercise LESS
stop focusing on everything wrong with me
regularly take my medication/supplements
eventually get off of my medication (maybe?)
regularly meditate
practice mindfulness
surround myself with nice people
read more uplifting things
get more sleep
do nice things for others
try to achieve some balance in any/all area(s) of my life
get outside more

keep on skanking

Today has been full of shots and bruises and a possible overdose and sudden hearing loss. But as a dear friend once said, you have to be deaf in order to hear god.

In other news, why the long face, Meg Meg? I don't know. I have been trying to ditch these disorders, but then they just keep coming back with sharp teeth and charming fur coats. Why are they wearing fur coats? And I don't even agree with fur coats, so why am I finding them charming? You got me, old chap. You got me.

If I had to choose one song to jam out to right now, it would be "Jammin': Forget About IT!!!" By Orem Rasta Meg and The Red Yellow Greens.

killing the buddha

I think I want/need to start focusing on Buddhism again. Although I don't necessarily believe in organized religions and can see many faults in them, I think that for my own sanity, following something like Buddhism will allow me to grab onto something that is for the most part very positive. I need things to grab onto in order to make it through each day, and lately I have been grabbing onto all the wrong things. These certain things are destroying me physically, mentally, and spiritually. And anytime I read Buddhist material, it makes sense to me and I am uplifted. And meditation and mindfulness have been somewhat life changing for me. I don't know if I would necessarily classify myself as a Buddhist, however-- I am not sure I am "dedicated enough". But I definitely follow the Buddhist path more than any other religious path. Aside from the Freemasonry path.

doppelgänger

According to Jake Conterio and Alex Paulos, the writer Katherine Mansfield is my doppelgänger. She's no Helen Keller, but she'll do.

to sprinkle or adorn with stars

I am so wired right now. Like the magazine Matt Wood used to (and still does???) subscribe to. So this entry may be long. It may be all over the place. It may be unreadable. It may include a survey or two (the boon of my existence, the bane of Chris'). I will TRY to make sure it does not include any typos. I will leave the fate of this post in the hands of the almighty Buddha.

The Beat Generation class that I am taking from Alex Caldiero has a weekly movie night where we watch a wide array of Beat-ish movies. Tonight we are watching The Wild One with Marlon Brando. We aren't watching the movie WITH Marlon Brando (because he is dead and probably wouldn't want to return from the dead to watch one of his movies with a bunch of snotty nosed college hoodlums), rather Marlon Brando is IN the movie. I am glad I clarified that for you guys. You are welcome. Anyway, I looked up the flick on IMDB (which is a dot com) and discovered to my delight and horror that the movie has quite the delightful and horrific taglines. Tag lines or taglines? Here are the tag(possible space)lines for The Wild One: "Marlon Brando! Driven Too Far By His Own Hot Blood!" and "That 'Streetcar' man has a new desire!" and "Hot feelings hit terrifying heights in a story that really boils over!" Good work, tag(I don't want to include a space)line creator! Beautiful. Beautiful like Matt Wood.

I am thinking of starting my book with the question, "Do you want to hear a funny story that I made up?" Maybe not. Scratch that. Perhaps I will start it with, "Questions that need answers. Girl that needs orgasm. Boy that needs immune system. World that needs a savior. God that needs a world. Two worlds collide: Form Mega World: Rules entire Solar System: The Solar System: More than meets the eye?: Yes. The answer to all of these questions (and more) is YES. An orgasmic, earth shattering, ball busting YES." Please don't steal this! It's mine! If you steal, I will sue. I was thinking of titling my autobiography, "Orem Meg: Waking Up When The Sun Don't Shine: One Girl's Mission To Save The World From Eternal Darkness: A Biblical Tale of Epic Proportions: Bob Dylan: Rain or Shine: Rain: More Than Just Water?: A Harrowing Look Inside The Halls of The White House: Kicking Iraq In The Balls: Cowboy Boots: More Than Just Shoes?: Shoes: The New ipod: Shoes and ipods: Are They REALLY Related?: Cousins: Quinn Allman's American Dream Come True: Technology: What The Hell Do They Know?: They: The Other Us." Again, I will sue if you steal.

Man. I am wiped out. Just like Matt Wood after a sex fueled coke binge. Matt, I joke! I joke all the time. It's just "my thing". It is to cover up emotional scars. Emotional scars, like genital warts, are something we all have. And THAT, my casual acquaintances, is the tagline for my bio pic. Biography picture with full frontal nudity, starring Matt Wood.

smearing pap all over the place

i just got back from a completely spur of the moment pap smear. was that too much to tell in a blog that not very many people (if any) read? no. it's always an odd thing having to make small talk with a man in a white lab coat while his rubber gloved hand is up your cooter. but somebody's gotta do it!

in other news, i plan on doing yoga at least twice a week before school in the mornings with my local musician friend (guess which one!!! there are many local musician friends!!! it's up to you to solve the mystery!!!) and then begin writing a book while he (hint: it's a HE!!!) writes music. i hope to also drink some green tea with prince of peace honey with him after yoga/writing. i wonder if i will be able to do all of these things before 10am? i can, right?

but seriously, get that cold duck beak out of my coochie.

a e i o u

I have been in desperate need to create lately. Not create in the baby sense. Have no fear, I am not getting all baby hungry at the moment. Okay, maybe a little, but that's only when I ingest illegal substances. Joke? You decide. Anyway, this need to create write paint collage has been keeping me up late. I can't sleep. I just want to keep writing about saints with switchblades (my newest project), but I find myself being forced to write summaries that mean nothing. OH. Creating nothing-- New ideas. Maybe I am sleepy time cant thnk hv no idea whr sme of my vwls ran off to. Some have stayed behind. Good little fellas.

classy dames

Based purely on looks alone, these women inspire me:

booshwhacked

The Mighty Boosh is pretty much the highlight of my life right now. My dream job would be to write and act for a show like this. Or to be Vince Noir. My dream job would be to be Vince Noir. He is such a rad guy who perfectly plays with his gender. I must admit, I have a crush on Vince... But so does everyone else. Here are some beautiful pictures of Vince:

sleep is so 2008

In 2009 I am going to try on capitalization. See how it fits.

For undisclosed reasons, yesterday I found myself living off of roughly twenty minutes of sleep. Although I should have spent all of New Year's Day snoozing (and Lord knows I wanted to), I went up to Salt Lake with my sister instead. We met my dad at the Broadway and saw Milk (the movie, not the person-- as in Milk Potter-- 'member him, y'all?). It was probably a great movie, but Lord knows I don't remember it. 'Member it. Y'all, Lord knows I was so tired. I drank a large coffee (coffee at a movie theater?!? Now I've seen everything!!! Except for a pregnant man.), but it did not do too much except for make me have to go to the bathroom during an important part of the movie. After the movie, we ate lunch/dinner and then we went shopping. I hate shopping so so so much. Unless it is at bookstores or thrift stores. Then we had to go grocery shopping. By this point I felt so tired that I was physically ill AND I was hallucinating. The hallucinating part was awesome. Everyone and everything was levitating. Who needs wacky shrooms when you've got wacky sleep deprivation? Anyway, even though I was becoming insane-- Or maybe because I was insane... AM insane... I went to bed at 2am last night, even though I could have easily been asleep by 2pm earlier that day (which, in fact, I was asleep at 2pm... I know I slept during part of the movie. At one point I woke up towards the end of the movie and I was like, "Whoa whoa whoa-- Milk is gay?!? When did this happen?!?" You snooze, you lose.).

I don't remember the point of this entry. Y'all are gonna read this and Lord knows y'all are gonna h8 it. Lord knows I don't want y'all to h8 on me. Oh Lordy Lord I am still so tired, even though I zZzZ a lot last night. Why is the coffee table floating?