happy boo-thday!

for halloween i think i shall dress up as jessica tandy in driving miss daisy. or perhaps i will dress up as morgan freeman portraying miss daisy's driver. but i will NOT dress up as dan aykroyd.

why did the vampire subscribe to the new york times?
because he heard it had great circulation! and he also really likes maureen dowd.

orem meg, gone insane

this past january i hung out a little too long with sailor jerry, which resulted in these myspace bulletins that i don't quite remember writing...


Date: Jan 11, 2008 7:04 PM
Subject: that's david matthews to you.
Body: if anyone is interested, i have a great dave matthews song on my profile right now. and by "great" i mean "terrible". BUT do not think for one second that i am not completely enamored by mr. matthews. he is like a god in my damn eyes. well, not a god i would ever pray to or sacrifice 10% of my income for, but a god nonetheless. and why? two words- TWO STEP. two more words- HEMP NECKLACE. three more words and an exclamation point- CRASH INTO ME! four words, seven syllables, and a pat on the back- WELL DONE, DAVE. oh wait- i guess that's three words, three syllables, and more like a slap in the face. i joke about the "slap in the face" part. i don't even know why i said that! it's like i'm on some crazy pills right now or something. you know, kRaZzY piLLz!
until we become more than just myspace acquaintances,
meg


Date: Jan 12, 2008 1:19 AM
Subject: okay, SOMEONE else besides me HAS to be on crazy pills.
Body: anyone want a leg spreader? super delicious! but seriously, i am probably cooler than you think. ask me anything about anything and i can give you a witty, impulsive, fashion forward answer. does that make sense? i don't know. i don't know if that means... never mind. but it totally makes sense. the placebo affect won't occur. effect. rabbits are a lot smarter than people think. "you guys are both gay."
love,
meg


Date: Jan 12, 2008 11:06 PM
Subject: put that up on monster.com, spencer
Body: it would be so cool if i went to jail tonight. i bet i would make so many friends. "dude, jail is not a cool place." no, they are perfect for me. the people in jail, that is. "i don't think it will fit you." no, it will fit perfectly. jail, that is.
i will definitely keep my eyes peeled for ways to get into jail if you promise to do the same,
meg aka "coal umbrella"


Date: Jan 22, 2008 5:58 PM
Subject: order in the court! i order you to answer these questions!
Body: guilty!

what/who is more indie?...

sego or elizabeth smart?

nuclear holocaust or coal umbrella?

dance parties or conjunctivitis?

genocide or the bird flu?

the weak men or EFY?

cloverfield or a mormon in the white house?

not hot 4 teacher

i don't want to teach. at least not right now. the program i am in makes me want to cry every single day. or scream. or both. i just don't care about it and everyone is so different from me and i don't feel challenged at all and i think i am finally realizing that the reason why i wanted to go into teaching in the first place was to go back to my childhood and be somewhere comfortable and safe. i liked the idea of teaching.

i am seriously considering being a buddhist monk at chris's future retreat.

or a professor.

or the apple of your eye.

hot 4 fred

i have a crush on fred armisen from saturday night live.

too bad he is already dating jack black's wife's sister.

bob blog

i am starting to not really like the title of my blog. it just seems a little too abstract and dramatic. but it's from my favorite line in bob dylan's "just like a woman". "with her fog, her amphetamine and her pearls." so i guess my blog title is okay.

man. i have become so boring. nothing interesting to say. oh, except for a rapist told me i could live with him for free. sold!

(oh, and i found this picture on google images by simply/magically/scientifically typing "bob dylan just like a woman". do you understand the picture??? you see, she has PEARLS on her wrist, AMPHETAMINE in her hand, and apparently a NOSE RING in her nose. art.)

underwear

okay, this isn't really about underwear. well, it is and it isn't. a phrase that keeps going through my head lately is one that my mom told me awhile ago- "put on your big girl panties." yes, odd. but basically it means just do what you have to do. rip off the band aid. get it over with. hitch up your panties and don't get your panties in a knot. or something like that. as tired and as stressed as i am, i am surprised that i am actually getting things accomplished. i guess i keep telling myself that i just need to hang in there for a few more months. hang in there, baby.

okay, so maybe i don't really accomplish as much as i say i do. for example, right now i am supposed to be painting walls at work. i have been here for an hour and i have yet to get started. but they always criticize the way i paint them, so i have very little (if any) motivation to screw up another wall (that almost sounded a bit dirty, no?). but i DO enjoy listening to buddhist podcasts while painting walls, so... i guess it's time to put on a pair of granny panties and paint the walls brown. that DEFINITELY sounded dirty.

jake might like this

my dad snail mailed me a bunch of information on INFPs today (a myers-briggs type- Introvert, iNtuitive, Feeling, Perceiving) because i recently took the myers-briggs test and it told me i was an INFP (duh/no duh). my dad was really excited because he too is an INFP. like father, like daughter, like helen keller (who was ALSO an INFP!!! also, no duh).

INFPs are... full of enthusiasms and loyalties, but seldom talk of those until they know you well. care about learning, ideas, language, and independent projects of their own. tend to undertake too much, then somehow get it done. friendly, but often too absorbed in what they are doing to be sociable. little concerned with possessions or physical surroundings.

the number one most popular occupation for INFPs is fine artist. number fifty (on a list of fifty most popular) is roman catholic priest, which, let's be honest, should be number one.

oh yes, and drinking three cups of coffee a day will make your breasts smaller.