longitude

Do you ever desire to live here?

Because I do. Every single day. I could go on walks without seeing another soul, allowing my thoughts to run wild without interruption. The keyword here is "without." Without all of the noise and small talk and avoidance and sleepy suburban eyes on me all the time, I could finally relax. Would I get lonely? Sure. I'd get lonely, but then I'd get over it. So this isolation might be ideal for me right now, but other times I want to end up here:

A yurt community! Of course. Of course my other dream heavily relies on yurts. I know I seem like a hermit, and I am to an extent, but I also value community. I would even go so far to say that I ache for a community. The community I desire is one where we work together like a well-oiled machine. And that oil, by the way, is coconut oil. NO PALM OIL, PLEASE. I would feel reeeelaxed in this community, able to express myself and not feel as if I have to live up to some sort of persona (why do I ever feel like I have to?). I could thrive in either quiet isolation or an active commune (where people still shower occasionally). That's nice to know. But I wilt when placed in the neighborhoods with strangers who drive fast and never forget to put up fences and give out suspicious glances. Leave me alone.

Difficulty! So much difficulty writing lately. Wait. When hasn't it been difficult? I'm a broken record. Oh! Speaking of records, I have two records and a record player, all of which have never been used, just waiting for a better home. I was not a good home for these unwanted gifts. They take up the space to which I so desperately cling. Give me fifty bucks and the record player is yours.

I have been getting rid of/giving away a lot of stuff lately. It's all stuff. Stuffing myself full of stuff for 31 years HELLO. This wiping-the-slate-clean is either a red flag, a white flag, a French flag, or not even a flag at all. In other words, should I worry about my sudden unattachment to things? Or should I rejoice? Or should I just not worry about worrying/rejoicing and instead keep giving away so I can plan my going away to France? Yes. And more on France later.

Enough daydreaming. Enough struggling. Enough going without breakfast. I will talk to you later after I talk to my Rice Krispies. Snap, crackle, pop. (THE BEST THING I'VE EVER WRITTEN ON THIS BLOG.)