flashlight

I hope I'm not finished with my hippie phase. I hope it wasn't a phase. I hope I settle into being a weirdo earth mother goddess tye dyed let it all hang loose groovy daughter of the forest wild eyed freak flag waving womyn. I do! I do hope that I can ditch other parts of myself, the parts that leave me scowling, frail, and in no way a flyer of freak flags. And to ditch them, I must first make friends with them, ask them what they need, thank them for letting me know that something in my life is/was off and that certain needs were going unmet, let them know that they are destructive, and then quietly and peacefully retire them. I won't avoid those other sides of me because they will just flare up at the most inappropriate times, demanding to know why I have ignored their hisses and demands. In other, simpler words, there are dark parts of us that need a little light. The light does not feed them or give them any kind of power. It gives you power, it gives them less control. I am a professional at not facing what causes me fear, so by examining the dark corners and allowing the junk to be cast into the beam of my metaphorical flashlight is by far the most radical thing I can personally do. Also, it should be noted that metaphorical flashlights are almost as awesome as symbolical headlamps and allegorical lanterns.

And now I just need to do these things. I can discuss the ways in which to do them, I can freely give advice to whomever is there to accept it, and I can type type type about it over and over and over again on my blog, but if I don't actually take action and begin the process to heal myself, then... so? So what. I don't want my life to be one giant "so what." I want my life to be open, not closed. I want the heart to be open, not a wound. I want my life to be a source of healing, a constant drinking from all sorts of metaphorical/symbolical/allegorical wells. In order for these wounds to heal, however, it needs some air to breathe. The bandages need to be taken off. It is time to retrain my brain, to trust in the body and the heart and the process. There has always been a fullness inside of me; I no longer need to be empty.