watch

I am still struggling with the first sentence. No, not even the first sentence -- I wish it was that easy. I am mostly struggling with the entire piece. The entire piece of what? Exactly. I don't know. I don't know if I even have ideas anymore. Does creativity start to fade when you blow out the candles on your 30th birthday cake? I didn't blow out candles, so who can say? Oh wait, I did blow out candles. Did I make a wish? I'm sure that I did. I'll take any opportunity to make wishes. My wishes are never indulgent. My wishes are always anxieties, pleadings, more of a prayer than an inwardly expressed desire for something frivolous and fun. I don't do frivolous and fun. I didn't even eat a slice of my birthday cake.

I was half joking about creativity disappearing once you hit the 30-year mark. It probably sticks around, but now it's hiding in corners and crawl spaces, being a stubborn, elusive little bitch. Come out come out wherever you are, creativity! I see you! Okay, I don't actually see you because you are transparent, but sometimes the light sneaks in through the attic window and reflects off of your pocket watch and I catch a glimpse of your whereabouts. That's right, creativity carries around a pocket watch. The watch, of course, doesn't tell the actual time -- at least not the time we are accustomed to. It tells it's own time, but it never tells anyone the time. Am I making you angry yet with my bizarre "story" about a ghostly creative spirit in an attic with a watch securely attached to their ghostly lapel? I know I'm already confused and exhausted with this post. Then again, most of my days are spent in a state of confusion and exhaustion. And in a liquid state. I can morph into liquid whenever I need to. I am Alex Mack! Some of you Nickelodeon darlings get what I'm saying! Anyway. Sigh.

The whole world is covered in wrist watches and I've been spending my time searching for that one broken pocket watch. I am going to keep searching, though, because I made a wish. And I made a cake. And I hope that this time around I allow myself to take a bite.