I've passively killed all of the people I could have been. I let them go so effortlessly without a proper burial. The blame is placed on timing or brain chemicals or fate when in fact it's nothing more than fear. Fear shuts me up and shuts me down. Fear is me sitting under the sky and worrying that it will fall instead of looking up and falling to my knees in praise.
Most of the light in the day sky is caused by scattering. I dream of a dusk when I can gather myself and come home. I sink into the Big Dipper and find myself cleansed.
So I set myself a schedule. There are hours and minutes and seconds that pass with pencil markings to fence in my life. I won't let you in because I'm not around to open the gate. What did I say earlier about fate? That I can place blame? Let me do that while you place your ear to the door to pick up on clues as to whether or not I am sane. Fences, gates, doors. I've created a maze.
Sometimes at night the sky is ripe for gazing. The sun has skipped town, leaving starlight to help me see the shadows. I am an obstruction, a silhouette of a person. I will wait for a filter to alleviate. I will wait for an eclipse. I will wait for the ghosts of me to quiet down so I can get some sleep.