Monday, October 21, 2013


If I could get away with it, I'd live in the South with a preacher husband and a career as a mathematician. I'd create beautiful works of art using imaginary numbers and religious symbols. On my left ankle would be a tattoo of Zeus's lightning bolt. The preacher and I would vacation in Scotland and Tokyo. We'd take photos. We'd have slideshows.

I am seduced by emptiness, in both the Buddhist sense and the fasting sense. Emptiness is zero and zero fulfills a central role in mathematics. Zero is important. Zero is a placeholder. Zero makes sure I am both here and not here. Zero cancels me out.

If I can see myself succeeding as a "boring" person, then why not follow that path? Boring implies khakis. Boring implies structure, routine, religion. Boring implies a sensible haircut. Boring implies safety, security. Boring and emptiness are my money and fame.

Funny things start happening to your brain when you replace chemicals with creeds.

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