i

how powerful is our mind? i don't know. am i able to make myself anxious or calm or happy or disheartened by solely my thoughts? how much of an effect (both short and long term) do certain chemicals have on my mind? what would "i" be like today if i had never ever ingested any chemicals (both legal and illegal)?

but there isn't really a solid "i". "i" is such a tricky subject. there is no self! and i know i sound like i am trying too hard to be buddhist or abstract or something, but "i" really mean it- or at least "i" sort of get it right now. it makes sense.

but what is this "it" that makes sense? i am not making much sense, but at the same time i am. i am both not making sense and making sense and neither of those- yet both of those.

good grief. i need a drink or a shrink.