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Saturday! Saturday Saturday Saturday is supposed to start off a bit lazy, sure, but then it's supposed to be one of those productive days where all of those boxes on your to do list get filled with little satisfied check marks. Buy your almond milk and egg replacer at the grocery store! Fill up your gas tank (while promising to save up for a hybrid)! Walk the dog/pretend dog you've created for yourself since your landlord doesn't allow pets! Clean out the garage! Mow the snow! Wack the weeds! Alphabetize and organize and prioritize and maybe even philosophize on the importance of productivity in modern society or whatever whatever whatever you don't really know what you are saying, but you are saying it and it means that you are doing something and doing something means that you exist and you are worth taking up space on this rotating rock in space. In short, Saturdays are meant to be spent not sitting in front of a screen eating an entire Tupperware of tofu scramble and tub of hummus. I had grand plans for today, people, but I fell short. Way short. And I ended up with a stomachache and no more hummus. Buuuut...

But it's okay. It really is. It's so okay that I am even grateful for the chance I had to have the laziest Saturday possible. It took a long, frozen walk around the park/tree museum for me to feel this gratitude, however. I began to understand (and admit to myself) that I deserve to be patient with myself during this transition. It's a transition from the lengthy days of summer into the quickening darkness of winter. It's a transition from the world of cuckoo pills into the world of a sober, stark, and relatively sane Meg. It's a transition from starvation into fullness. None of these transitions are a piece of vegan cake. And it is worth reminding myself of this over and over and over again. It is worth reminding myself to be gentle with myself because my Self is worth it. (My Self is also an illusion, but I'll get into that in another post.)

So what if I wasn't "productive" today? Maybe I should examine my definition of productivity and ask myself if it makes sense. Maybe I should also realize that HEY! Winter is a time to rest, to hibernate, to stay inside and read and write and drink the best Egyptian licorice tea ever created. Maybe I should sink into what's here right now and feel the relief that comes with letting go of expectations, to do lists, check marks, and all of the other busyness in which I tend to drown. We all deserve to take up space for the simple face that we are. We exist and we are okay as is.