the soul and heart caught in a web

There is something so crushing about a life full of phone bills car bills credit card bills mortgages taxes blogs facebooks tweets twitters wall posts walls comments department stores soup cans soda cans garbage cans television anything commercials billboards raping highways kids lost in video games and screens and screens and screens and it makes me want to

scream.

hiding behind jokes, just like joey on full house (he was also depressed, i'm pretty sure). also, clowns are scary.

I am, essentially, a very lonely person.

pictures only say so much

I'll admit it - I got a little teary eyed. And I'll admit something else - part of the reason why I got teary eyed is because I initially had a hard time feeling any emotion at all and I was frustrated with that. I thought to myself, "Meg! This is the perfect opportunity to get all riled up about something! A great chance to write some pretty nasty lyrics! Maybe even an excuse to eat a lot of cookies while watching reruns of Degrassi!" But all I felt was mild surprise and a tinge of betrayal (as in, "Ah shucks, why didn't he tell me? Oh well.").

When you've been the central person in each other's lives for almost two years, you will, undoubtedly, have a transitional period after the disintegration of the romantic relationship. I don't know how "right" it is for me to disclose the details of that transitional period, but I do feel that it is okay for me to say that I believe he and I are right where we need to be at the moment. I believe we are surrounded by the type of people we are well-suited for and that we appreciate. I believe he and I are finally doing what we, as individuals, want to do. And I think that is something to be celebrated, not criticized.

possessions

Here are things I wouldn't mind having:

*a Subaru Outback, but not really, but really, can't decide
*kittens, but mostly kitten dogs
# the asterisk sign back
*oh, here it is
*phew
*time for zines
*all the time
*time is like a man
*and a man is like a fish
*on a bicyce
*where am i

Day Who Knows

Eh. I got bored after Day 06. It was fun while it lasted (which was 06 days).

Day 06

Day 06 - A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day.



Oh shit. I just noticed that it says "person," not "small marine fish that characteristically swims in an upright position." Oh well. I would trade places with a seahorse because, well, it's a fucking seahorse that lives in the fucking ocean. In areas called MANGROVES, for cryin' out loud. During social moments or in unusual surroundings, seahorses turn bright colors, just like yours truly. Looks like we have something in common? So that's cool. Anyway, yeah, I'd trade places with a seahorse for these reasons and more. #exploration #seafloor #lookimalittletired #thisisstillgoingtogetposted #loveyou

Day 05

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.



This is one of my favorite memories of many. No, my dad and I aren't super into wagons or anything, but we are super into the outdoors (and apparently peace signs?). Each year my father, sister, and I go to a timeshare up in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. We spend a week in the Tetons doing various things such as hiking, biking, eating English muffins, playing board games, reading romance novels (long story), and (ahem, cliche ahead) spending very precious quality time together. It makes me cry just thinking about it. I love my father so much and will always be grateful for his support. He is an amazing person.

Day 04

Day 04 - A picture of your night.



I eat popsicles and then I go to sleep before 11am. This is my life on any given weekday.

BUUUT I did have a marvelous afternoon/early evening with marvelous friends. First stop, Coffee Pod with Gheybin and Cassie and wooonderful muuusic and almond vanilla tea; second stop, Mountain West Burrito with Brittany, Megan, Mayes, Cassie, Gheybin, Greg, and happiness wrapped up in a whole-wheat tortilla.

Day 03

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.



I haven't really watched much television lately, so I had a difficult time coming up with a current show that could be considered something as important as a favorite. So I chose a favorite show from my childhood instead. Today's Special, a show that took place in a department store. Oh, 1980s, you and your malls... And your puppets.

Day 02

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for awhile.



This photo was taken with one of my best friends, Laura Beth Eastin Hymes. It was taken almost five years ago, back when she was not a Hymes and I was not a delinquent. Laura and I have known each other since our Pleasant Grove Junior High years, but we did not become best friends until 10th grade, during our Pleasant Grove High School constantly-making-odd-jokes-about-leprechauns years. Throughout the years we have had our tiffs and our differences, but we still remain in contact. She is currently living in California going to grad school (she is a certified literary genius), but we still write letters to each other and plan on one day moving to a Danish commune, where we can go blonde and own some chickens. I love my Laura Beth.

Day 01

Okay, so I know what will get me blogging #more (and I can't #stop adding hashtags to #everything, side note): And it's this 30 Day Project found here:

http://followthedotxoxo.blogspot.com/2011/03/30-day-project.html

Man. I wish I knew HTML because then you wouldn't have to copy/paste that URL and LOL and FML and LDS and NAACP and URAQT.

So.

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts.

Young Meg with shhhoooorrrt hair. Kinda miss the short hair sometimes, but I also kinda dig the long-ish hair, so I'm-a-gonna-keep-it-mama.

Fact 01: I think I like this whole "add-a-zero-before-single-digits" thing.

Fact 02: The word fact can refer to verified information about past or present circumstances or events which are presented as objective reality. In science, it means a provable concept.

Fact 03: You can save more water by not eating 1 pound of beef than you can by giving up showers for an entire year.

Fact 04: I am still on the lookout for a really good hamburger. #thatmaybebad #butiamtryingtomakepeacewithfood #andthenicandecide #onbeingvegetarianorwhatever

Fact 05: I have been on some kind of "diet" since I was in 5th grade. Or maybe even earlier.

Fact 06: I had SUCH SEXY DREAMS LAST NIGHT and I think it has put me in a good mood (but then I remember it was just a dream and I'm all like, "Wa wa.").

Fact 07: Siegfried Fischbacher, of Siegfried & Roy fame, was born on my birthday.

Fact 08: I am now obsessed with body hair. Well, maybe "obsessed" is too strong of a word, but I no longer want to shave.

Fact 09: I am obsessed with girls right now. Maybe "obsessed" is too weak of a word.

Fact 10: Multiple times a day I am afraid that I might pee my pants. Thanks, minuscule bladder.

dear diary from 20 february 2011

So. I'm a slacker. So. I'm trying (sometimes not very hard) to rid myself of demons - to get rid of the distractions. I have allowed myself for far too long to get caught up in weird little habits that take up time and valuable space in my brain. I could and should be using this space to explore space instead of being trapped in it like a mosquito in amber. Just glance up at the sky, Meghan - day or night - and just tell me what you see. But don't tell me in conventional language. So much of what we label "life" is astonishing and spacey and amusing and quiet and sonically loud. So much? No - all of it. But there I go again - labeling and telling. But that's okay, for right now. The more one talks about the Tao, the further away one gets from it, yet Lao-Tzu wrote an entire book about it - and that's what he had to do in that moment, I suppose. Language is not the enemy; it's just excruciatingly finite. The sky will introduce us to infinity.

good things

A Facebook friend posted this picture and I thought it lovely and so, so true.

slightly unreadable

Rockstar might have been a bad idea, but rock star might have been the best idea ever. How in the galaxy did I ever get involved in three bands? I dunno, but I'm glad I did. This whole rock 'n roll bizness is sure making me take a metaphorical eraser and metaphorically erase all of those comfort zones. And even though it would be a lot e-z-er (?) to sit at home and eat my carrots and cottage cheese (god, so good), zone erasing has helped me to grow, metaphorically speaking. Ugh. This entry is bizarre. I can't fix it, though, because I have to got JAM right now with the BAND. Phorget about it, I am posting this now.

nerd head

I bought myself some much needed glasses. They are men's glasses because my head is literally too big for women's glasses. They are called "Richard Taylor." I feel so fiiine in them. Now I can have dry eyes from herbs and not worry about my contacts falling out. Also, camping.

self(ish) love

There is a fine balance between the "bad" selfishness and the "good" selfishness. I think. And sometimes it is hard to tell which actions are the bad/good kind of selfishness. But if I quiet down my over-thinking mind (whatever that means), I will realize that I need to be outrageously selfish. I will always offend somebody with my actions/decisions/words, but if I am doing what I want with a pure heart (whatever that means) and no malicious intentions, then I should be okay (whatever that means). I have, for far too long, been my own worst enemy and it's getting pretty old. It's time for me to be my, yes, own best friend. And that starts with singing in French on Saturday and not worrying so much about it - and eating pizza perhaps everyday if possible and not worrying so much about it. And basically just not worrying. Give me a break already, Meghan! Okay, sure.

from hank to hendrix

Sometime it's distorted
Not clear to you
Sometimes the beauty of love
Just comes ringin' through.

New glass in the window
New leaf on the tree
New distance between us
You and me.