weak end

Weekends are the best! Weekends are also the worst! But just for the moment. The weekdays are easier for me in recovery because I have a set schedule with work and other adult-like responsibilities. Because of this, it is far easier to stick to an eating schedule. On a break, I go to my car and eat. Simple simple (and so hard, but hey! I do it). Then I can temporarily distract myself from the panic that comes with having just eaten by immersing myself in work/correcting the most boring 5th grade math homework imaginable.

But ED returns with a vengeance on days that are wide open. He/she nudges me and whispers, "Hey! You have all day to do whatever you want. And you don't want to eat, right? Right." ED says worse things than that, things that are very subtle and stab like a clean knife which hasn't been used to cut up anything, such as a medium rare burger. Doesn't a medium rare burger sound amazing right now? It kind of does. And yeah, a knife would be used because this is one massive burger. Anyway, I guess I need to watch myself extra closely and ask for more help during days like today. And it would be wise to come up with a schedule for my "free" days. I should go work at a freaking soup kitchen. I totally would. Is there one around here? I need to get out of my own head and, you know, help others. That sounds really nice, actually.

It's a beautiful day! I will remember that! Even though it's Valentine's Day, which is such a sucky holiday. But all holidays are pretty sucky, are they not? Not all. Halloween is so great. And so is National Burger Day. Is there a National Banana Day? Hold on, let me check. Oh Lord. Yep. Of course there is. National Banana Lovers Day on August 27. Remind me in six months and I will throw the largest, most potassium-filled party America has ever seen. Although the 27 of August is on a Thursday, we will have the party on a Saturday. You know, just to have somethin' to do and to have somethin' to eat. I can't wait for the feast.