absorb

Unexplained health issues are the BEST. And what's also the best is going to the doctor to find out about these unexplained health issues and having him tell you to put lotion on your dry hands. Done and done! Now give me my money and don't forget to take your vitamins! But don't eat an apple because I want more of your money. Don't keep me away, Meghan. (It should be noted that he doesn't tell me to take vitamins, which he probably should because I don't and I'm sure I'm deficient. He says nothing about apples and he doesn't know my name. So all in all he is a terrific doctor.)

So my health has been on my mind. A lot. And when something has been planted in my mind, I water it until I drown out everything else. I become obsessed, neurotic, agitated, terrified. In short, I become a crazy person. I do not use the word "crazy person" lightly. I don't like when people say things like, "Oh! Gotta take my crazy pills!" It just further stigmatizes mental illness. I do not wish to do that. I will say that I legitimately feel out of control when I, well, try to control something so much. Loosen your grip, girl. You can only do so much.

I am actively going to attempt today (and tomorrow and the next day) to not let myself get carried away with all of the what ifs and oh nos that bombard my brain. Yeah yeah, mindfulness. Yeah yeah, present moment. Yeah yeah, okay! Let's all do all of those things and see what happens! We'll probably all come together and be zoned out hippies living off of the land and raising chickens and goats and children named Star Beam Moon Wave. Hey, we might as well give it a try.

By the way, I have made another appointment with another doctor. This time it is a female doctor and for probably biased reasons I think I will like/trust her more. Here's to hoping she gives me more advice than to keep my skin hydrated. And I don't even really want advice; I want answers. But for today I will do what I must do (which is nothin'! SATURDAY!!!) and be content with it. Maybe I'll even eat an apple under a tree while fantasizing about a life with you and Star Beam Moon Wave. Our hands would never crack, our days would never be dry.