unravel

In my last post I wrote about how I feel disjointed and unconnected. Fragmented, if you will. Anyway, I'll stop using a thesaurus right now and get to what I want to say today. Actually, I am not sure what I want to say. I am so unsure that I googled "how to write about yourself." Which is silly. Silly because that's all I do on my blog is write about myself. Isn't that what a personal blog is for? Just to, you know, show the world who you are! Hello, world! This is Meg! She might like fog (she does) and she might like pearls (not really) and she might like to one day be brave enough to try a Reuben sandwich.

I write in this blog because it feels nice. It physically feels nice to type, even though my fingers have mysteriously been swollen, aching, tender, purple, and tingly for well over a month. Two months? Who keeps track anymore. I also write these posts because it has become somewhat of a ritual. I might be slightly autistic, let's get real. I stick to schedules and routines like... Like a slice of Swiss cheese sticks to rye bread in a Reuben sandwich? Yeah, sure. And I guess -- I SUPPOSE -- my ego gets a nice massage when I hear feedback from others about how something I have said in some goofy, dopey post has helped them in some way. Some. I used "some" plenty of times in that last sentence. Well, the sentence before "some." Not that "some" was a complete sentence. Have I mentioned how I feel fragmented?

So let me stop worrying about me being in pieces and lay out these puzzle pieces for you right now. Shall I? I shall. Here are some brief odds and ends about Odd Meg. I suspect we'll both be surprised at the end of this li'l exercise.

*I wear hats and red lipstick when I am feeling self-conscious. And fake fur coats. Hell, I'd probably wear a real fur coat if it was vintage and had belonged to a dead grandmother or whatever. Not going to go all North West on y'all and wear a new $3,000 fur coat, okay? I'm not a monster.

*I want so badly to be a nerd. A real one. One who plays Dungeons and Dragons and gets super into Japanese culture. What a potentially offensive and ignorant thing for me to admit, sure, but admit it I must! I can't get into these things... Yet. I still hold out hope. I remember and old love of mine playing Dungeons and Dragons. I would have followed him around the world, but once he began playing, I would get bored and wander off to take Facebook (or MySpace?) photos with cigarettes and sunglasses. I willingly traded in Potentially Nerdy Meg for Definitely Obnoxious Hipster Meg. Darnit.

*I gotta admit something. I've had a Reuben sandwich before. It was four years ago. My pal Joey made it for me. He went to at least three different grocery stores to find corned beef. He grilled it up in a dingy kitchen and we ate it on a dingy couch. The dinginess added to the enjoyment of the meal, by the way. Uncleanliness pairs well with corned beef. There was satisfying bottled beer and a gentle Lab pit bull mix and a nostalgic walk around the train tracks that night as well. It is a good memory.

Now you know about my fur coats and nerd fantasies and food eaten with a friend four years ago. Three pieces of Odd Meg which contain smaller pieces which contain even smaller pieces which continue to contain smaller and smaller pieces. Maybe we aren't meant to ever be a completed picture. Maybe the pieces are the real meat.