Wednesday, December 19, 2012

same old story

I wish I could remember who I used to be.

I used to chew, swallow, and enjoy meals. I would let everything digest and do what what it needed to do (you know, give me nutrients and energy and such). I allowed. I rejoiced. I did not even think to write blog posts about it. (Back then we had no blogs! We were Internet-free! Imagine that!) The act of consuming did not consume my thoughts. Or at least I think that's how it used to be. Like I said, I can barely remember.

I wish to be blunt about this and not abstract: My eating disorder is ruining my life. I promise I am not being melodramatic. It has ravaged my health and my heart and has left me surrounded with obsessions, not friendships. I push away people and potentially life-channging opportunities in order to make time for my eating disorder and everything that comes with it. It takes up all of my mental, physical, and emotional energy. I have none left.

I don't know where to go from here.


Meg said...

Megs, we should get you some help. Like real help. There are definitely programs. I wish I could call you. Could you email me your number? I will use Michael's phone. I love you.

cassie said...

wouldn't it be nice if we went to degrassi high and this could be solved in a 1-hour special?

kieren said...

This kills me. I wrote you an email. I want you to be happy. I want you to be well. <3

Wadagascar said...

I know such things are complicated, but I agree with Meg. If it's out of your control, there's no shame in asking for outside help.

Keeping your body intact and around is something worth extending your hand out for.