I wish I could remember who I used to be.
I used to chew, swallow, and enjoy meals. I would let everything digest and do what what it needed to do (you know, give me nutrients and energy and such). I allowed. I rejoiced. I did not even think to write blog posts about it. (Back then we had no blogs! We were Internet-free! Imagine that!) The act of consuming did not consume my thoughts. Or at least I think that's how it used to be. Like I said, I can barely remember.
I wish to be blunt about this and not abstract: My eating disorder is ruining my life. I promise I am not being melodramatic. It has ravaged my health and my heart and has left me surrounded with obsessions, not friendships. I push away people and potentially life-channging opportunities in order to make time for my eating disorder and everything that comes with it. It takes up all of my mental, physical, and emotional energy. I have none left.
I don't know where to go from here.