Saturday, December 1, 2012

invisible lines define

How is it that I can be so sure of something one day and then quite literally overnight I am left feeling lost and confused?

If I was a super hero, my super power would be invisibility. I'd be invisible and watch others without getting involved. I wish to observe. I want to soak in a person and their vulnerabilities, but from a distance. This, I have come to find out, is impossible. There is no way to experience another being without surrendering.

But maybe right now I don't want to surrender. Maybe it's okay for me to stay inside my fortress. I can change my mind countless times; I would just rather, for right now, do it alone.


Meg said...

You should watch 'Brief Interviews with Hideous Men'. It's on Netflix. It made me realize something. There is a line in there about what women really want (I know, age-old obsession). It goes like this: "Deep down, they want a man who's gonna be so passionate and powerful that they have no choice. This thing is bigger
than both of them."
I know that sounds a bit neaderthalish, but it kind of hit me. It made me realize that I wasn't ready until I no longer had a choice--my dynamic with michael was/is bigger than both of us. I can't leave if I wanted to because its consumed me, its changed me. It's worth waiting, or not waiting, for. But nothing short of that is worth it--in my experience.

meg said...

Wow, that is incredible. Yes, I will have to watch/read that. I love you and Michael together. The dynamic you two have is palpable. I'll be honest -- I want that kind of relationship in my life. So bad. And I won't settle for anything less.