Thursday, August 12, 2010

remembering to forget

And how do you recover?

Begin by not revisiting that day. Do not, under any circumstances, remember how that was the day you purchased a white bra, a black bra, and contemplated buying really ugly discount panties as a joke ha ha. He'll get a real kick out of that ha ha. If at all possible, push out of your mind the pleasant dress you were wearing and how your new white bra made the dress less pleasant and more va-voom. He told you you were "too good" for him. You laughed, you straddled, you caught him off guard. When you recall the smell of the library you went to with him that night, try to think of any other smell in the world, any other. Burnt popcorn, cheap cologne, your locker from junior high. Any scent is better than the last place the two of you were together, the place that smells like musty books and freshly vacuumed carpet. You were a little on edge that night, but try to forget that detail. Forget that you told the librarian, in your edgy way, that you still had eleven minutes until the library closed and that you planned on using at least ten of those minutes to continue reading your book. Which book? Don't ask.

You slip out of the library, you say your goodbyes, you go home.

Good evening, for the most part, but you can't wait to take off this irritating bra.

And now you are in your living room watching some late night junky show about nothing in particular. Or are you brainlessly and shamelessly Googling classmates from high school? Maybe you are just reading and waiting in your bed, alone, waiting for morning so you can wake up and continue sleeping through all that has transpired during the night. He acts differently in the morning. He doesn't kiss you right away. You make some jokes you think are pretty funny. He looks tired. You need to wash your hair. You say your goodbyes again. You can't stop saying them for the next 365 days. And so you try to forget.

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