Saturday, April 24, 2010

wearing your false mask of independence and strength

I understand that vagueness does not equal excitingness, but this post needs to be vague. So it will be boring to some of you, but possibly not to those of you who are very aware of this and that.

So here are the thises and thats.

I have a friend of a friend who knows this one person who is incredibly manipulative and borderline (if not full blown) psychotic. Granted, I do not personally know this person that is a friend of a friend, but from this person's actions and words, I am confident enough to say that this person is all of these things (and more).

Why has this person been on my mind for the past half hour? I do not know. I think this person might be like that pink elephant-- "Don't think of a pink elephant!" And then that's all you can think about. One little mention or reminder of this person and then suddenly they are on my mind. But it doesn't last too long. Nor does it keep me up at night. And instead of being slightly nervous and afraid of this person, I am beginning to feel incredibly angry and annoyed.

I want to get to the point where I feel compassion and perhaps a bit of sympathy.

But I don't know about forgiveness. I know we have been told by various men in suits to forgive, forgive, forgive. But I don't think one needs to forgive another. I don't think not forgiving is a sign of weakness or of holding a grudge. I think it's just practical. Sometimes people do things that are unforgivable, but that doesn't mean we still can't show compassion. People suffer and do things to make them happy, whether or not that means hurting other people deeply along the way.

Simple as that.

So yes, I acknowledge that this person has suffered, just like everyone else. And yes, I understand that I need to start addressing certain... things. But I rest easy in the fact that I need not forgive and that I can finally start standing up for myself.

The compassion thing... a work in progress.


Mel said...

Whoever you're writing about is probably just trying to make a better life for her daughter.
Just a guess.

Chris Almond said...

I agree that we don't necessarily owe it to people to forgive them. But I think that the benefits of forgiveness are often less (or at all) for the person being forgiven and more about us. When we hang on resentment and negative feelings towards another person, often times, they may not even be aware of it, but it does have a negative impact on us.
There are even interesting studies showing that people who forgive are not only happier, but healthier.